Competing on the telly box

The X Factor is not the only music competition taking up space on the telly at the moment. Oh no. Channel 4/4Music have Orange unsignedAct (stupid typography not mine), in which bands from across the UK compete for a warm handshake from Alex James. Or something like that. I haven't properly watched any of it, but I know it features Lauren Laverne wearing nice frocks and Alex Zane does his smug face. Celebrity judges such as Kelly Osbourne add some authority during the audiences. Don't you start laughing. This is Kelly Osbourne. Her qualification is that her dad is Ozzy Osbourne. And her boyfriend is in a band.

A contract with Universal and £60,000 advance is the grand prize. Sadly, a lot of the bands competing probably don't realise that such a record deal is not the key to a long, fulfilling music career. They could just release one single and be shunted aside by mid-January. Do you remember Envy & Other Sins? Exactly. Winners of the show in 2007 (back when the network sponsorship hadn't been sorted and it was plain old mobileAct Unsigned - stupid typography not mine again), they made a nice video and then complained about being exploited to Drowned In Sound.

The series hasn't reached it's big final finale yet, so I've decided to sift through the 10 finalists and make my predictions. Let's just hold hands and we can get through it...

SleeperCell (once again - stupid typography not mine) - I think they're the Disney-approximation-of-emo ones.

Bo Bruce - I think she's the lady one.

Fangs - I think they're the ones who've never watched the Mighty Boosh.

Hip Parade - I think they're the lad rock Glaswegian ones.

Scarlet Harlots - I think they're the synth pop ones.

Luva Anna - I think they're the kooky folky ones.

Pyrelli - I think he's the "hip hop/grime/urban/R&B" one.

Klaus Says Buy The Record - I think he's the acoustic singer-songwriter one.

Tommy Reilly - I think he's the other acoustic singer-songwriter one.

Toby Sebastian - I think he's the other, other acoustic singer-songwriter one.

Well then. Who's For The Win? I know not. Whoever has the most friends and the prettiest face. But I have to pick one... so... Scarlet Harlots. They seem to be the right fit.

Take It To The Chorus on MySpace

Attention please! It may amaze and delight you to learn that Take It To The Chorus has joined MySpace, where I can collect up all the bands I like. And all of the bands I think I might like. And all of the bands I don't really like but pretend I do. And so on. MySpace is full of badly animated GIFs and other such nonsense, but it is good for bands. Remember the old days (say, 2004) when bands could only put their demos on the internet if they had a friend to build them a website and upload MP3s.
I'm over here, so if you're down with that whole MySpace thing I promise I won't deny your friend request. Unless you're one of those annoying people who send out bulletins every hour of the day. If you are one of those people, I will add you then quietly delete you from my friend list. So there.

It's (nearly) the weekend

Let's celebrate with a chocolate Hob Nob and some new bands. (NB new to me, at least.)
1) La Roux. If Little Boots doesn't save retro-electro pop in 2009, La Roux will. Apparently. However, this Frenglish irritates me. 'La roux' makes no sense! It's 'le roux' or 'la rousse', OK? I know I'm being a pedant, but I did sweat through that Schaum's Outline of French Grammar. Which makes me the expert. Obviously. Oh well. La Roux does have a higher Google-ability. And the tunes are really rather good.
2) Pulled Apart By Horses. Noisecore guitar shenanigans! From Leeds! Both my thumbs are up in appreciation.
3) Skeletons. Sheffield ragamuffins with disjointed guitars and wailing harmonies. Low Google-ability, unfortunately.
4) Julien Dore. Monsieur Doré won Nouvelle Star in 2007, which is the French version of Pop Idol. This must mean France is behind us culturally, because we've moved onto superior TV talent competitions, such as the X Factor and Britain's Got Talent. In France, they still have Star [Fame] Academy. Backwards! I'm joking. Julien Doré may have emerged from primetime, but he did so singing Nirvana and without having a proper shave. He also plays the ukulele, and only auditioned for the show to promote his then band, the Jean d'Ormesson Disco Suicide. The new Serge Gainsbourg?
5) Darlings of the Splitscreen. Actually, I took a poetic liberty at the start of this post. This band are not new to me. I went to one of their first gigs at the Grapes, Sheffield. But oh, how they have improved since then. (A lot.)

The best song in the world EVER!

Sometimes, I've wondered whether there is a song that transcends all other songs. The man who lives in the flat downstairs from mine has discovered what it is. It's The Only One I Know by The Charlatans.
I know what you're thinking. 'The Only One I Know? The Charlatans' 1990 hit? It's all right, I suppose. It rumbles along quite nicely, and has a Madchester-fringe sort of appeal.' Well, you had better keep those thoughts to yourself because Mr Downstairs loves it. Really, really loves it. For him, it's not just a once-a-day song. It's not even a twice a day song. On no. Sometimes it's a seven or eight times a day song. He listens to it over and over, and almost everyday I hear that familiar Hammond organ riff pulsating through my floor.
Mr Downstairs is also quite fond of Grounds For Divorce by Elbow. But it's the Coca-Cola Championship to The Only One I Know, which is the Barclays Premier League. All of it. And I'm starting to agree. It's a bit funky. It's a bit psychedelic. It's the product of a less cynical, more celebratory era. Dr Downstairs is not much of a talker. Occasionally he says hello, and once or twice he's held the front door open for me. So it's reassuring to hear the Charlatans emanating from his flat, and know that he's still alive down there.

A cold and broken Hallelujah

Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah is to be the X Factor winner's song, ergo the UK Christmas number one. Actually, it's not so much Leonard Cohen's version, but more like Jason Castro's version of Rufus Wainwright's version of Jeff Buckley's version. You probably know all this already, and you've probably made up your mind. But here I am adding to the blogosphere chatter with my opinion on this crucial matter.

And my opinion is: MEH. Hallelujah is not just an amazing song, it's one of the best songs ever. So it's a canny choice for an X Factor winner's song, and I'm sure a lot of people will listen to the result and feel very affected by the song's beauty. But exactly what I find beautiful in the song will presumably be vomitted all over with vocal histrionics and ruined like so many other songs (see also: Yesterday, Over The Rainbow, Unchained Melody). Louis Walsh is probably insisting that a trucker driver's gear change be added to the final chorus.
To me, the choice suggests that Simon Cowell employs minions to trawl karaoke nights and YouTube to find out what songs the public are into. Except he probably doesn't use the word 'public', but 'proles'. It also suggests that Diana will probably be the winner. Not just because she hacked through the song at the X Factor boot camp/auditions but because the song wouldn't really suit any other contestants. Unless JLS have choreographed some smooth moves to it. I know what your (end) game is, Cowell!

Also, I fear we're a bit closer to the day when new songs stop being written and we just keep trawling through an ever decreasing canon of songs, until eventually we're only capable of humming the melody of Greensleeves. It could happen, people. Stay vigilant.

Chairlift live in Liverpool

Last night, I battled through the freezing temperatures to watch Chairlift at The Magnet. IMPORTANT: they were used on a iPod Nano advert, don't you know.
The Magnet is one of my favourite Liverpool venues, because it's cosy and is just about the only nice late bar in the city. The Magnet is proud of its history (back when it was the Sink Club), as it was the city's first and only black music venue. My picture at left is of the ladies' toilets. Notice the proximity of Barack Obama to the condom machine. Progress! There's also wheat pasted posters reading 'POWER AND EQUALITY'. Surely that should be John Power and equality?
Electric Church Foundation played first. I think they were students. Not that I'm a student-hater, but you know. Student bands always seem to get support slots then bring loads of friends - who disappear before the main act. Rude! Especially when the main act have been used on an iPod advert. Anyway. Electric Church Foundation sounded like a tussle between Beth Orton and a Red Hot Chili Peppers tribute act. They have an EP out on iTunes, so good for them.

Second support slot were Picture Book. They played behind draped gauze, which had visual projected onto it. This means they're either a) ugly, or b) very serious indeed. It was probably the latter. Although the music was ace-tastic (similar to Gus Gus or Roisin Murphy), it was starting to feel a bit alienating and boring. So I took a photo of my new flowery skirt, at right. Doesn't it look like an old curtain?
Chairlift were not bad. They started out with what felt like about half an hour of swirling Velvet Underground-esque atmospherics. But once they started playing some songs it was much better. The biggest round of applause was for Bruises, of course, because it was used on that iPod Nano advert. Most bands will announce 'this is our last song'. But Chairlift were a bit sneaky, and announced 'that was our last song'. I liked that. It brought an element of surprise to the evening. WELL DONE.

Alternative X Factor theme weeks

Simon Cowell needs to stop relying on schmaltzy, mawkish tricks and start putting some fun into X Factor. It's about time 'creative director' Brian Friedman actually did something creative.
Here are my suggestions for some X Factor theme weeks:

1) Skiffle week. The contestants tackle songs by the Quarrymen and the Vipers, accompanied only by washboards and a double bass constructed from a cardboard box with elastic bands. Mark Kermode makes a guest appearance.
2) Serge Gainsbourg week. Dermot O'Leary cracks an inappropriate incest joke, causing the Daily Mail to spearhead a campaign. 200,000 angry viewers sign on online petition, calling for Dermot's resignation.
3) X Factor/Pop Idol week. A nostalgic look back at past series of TV singing competitions. Songs include Blink by Rosie Ribbons, Come Back by Jessica Garlick and Treat Me Like A Lady by Zoe Birkett.
4) John Lomax week. The contestants peer into the Archive of American Folk Song. Moby records a video message of support.
5) Err, that's it...

Just another brick in the wall

The bricks reading 'Gary Glitter' and 'Jonathan King' have been scrubbed from the Cavern's Wall of Fame, so that everyone in Liverpool can sleep sounder in our beds that Mathew Street is no longer sullied by their names. The Cavern Club took this decision after what the Liverpool Echo describes as a 'storm of protest'. And when they say storm of protest, they mean that West Derby MP Bob Wareing said 'I wouldn't myself have wanted to put his name up.' Them's fighting words.
When I walked past the Wall of Fame earlier, I snapped a picture of the replacement plaque:

So the bricks have gone, but their names remain. This small act poses so many questions that it could be the start of an Arthur Miller play. Tim Jonze eloquently mulls it over on the Guardian music blog, and I agree that we should separate the art from the artist. Otherwise where does it end? Will the government announce a Gary Glitter amnesty, so you can hand in your Gary Glitter records at the local police station and free yourself of their shame?

Top 10 songs of the past week

Should have posted this up yesterday, but I didn't. My bad. Here is my top 10 for the week ending 16 November 2008.

10) Womanizer by Britney Spears

Woma-woma-woma-nizer, y'all!

9) Hot N Cold by Katy Perry

I haven't decided that I suddenly like Katy Perry. But this song is undoubtedly good, and I kept telling myself that 45% was written by Dr Luke, 45% by Max Martin and 10% by Katy Perry. That makes me feel better.

8) Let It Rock by Kevin Rudolf

Move over, Timbaland.

7) Brass In Pocket by The Pretenders

Something made me think about Lost In Translation, which made me think about Scarlett Johansson singing. Which made me shuffle through my record collection for some private time with Chrissie Hynde.

6) Cuffs by Zeigeist

Lovely electro stuff.

5) Pass This On by The Knife

Listening to Ziegeist reminded me how much I love The Knife. Which is A LOT.

4) Zombie by The Cranberries

There's something about the vocal quirks of Diana Vickers on X Factor remind me of Dolores O'Riordan. Except Diana makes more whistles and clicks. Hopefully, Simon Cowell will organise a Star Wars themed week in which she can perform as R2D2. I'm not going to pretend I'm too cool to have seen the X Factor, because any time you catch a glimpse of ITV2 it's being repeated. That, or Katie and Peter: The Next Chapter.

3) Sleepyhead by Passion Pit

I [heart] Passion Pit.

2) Dream On by Christian Falk featuring Robyn

This has been floating around for ages, but it's still wonderful. I just hope Robyn gets into the studio and starts working on a new album pronto.

1) Love Kills (demo) by Little Boots

Him out of Hot Chip + the former singer of Dead Disco + a Micro Korg= wonderful things. Love Kills is a cover of a Giorgio Moroder/Freddie Mercury song, FYI.

5 new bands for the weekend

It's been too long since I caught up with Paul Lester's New Band of the Day. Somewhere, in a darkened room, Paul is sifting through endless MySpace profiles and cursing the day he pitched the idea to the Guardian.
I've also had a poke around the internets, and found some interesting new bands...
1) Fan Death Dangerously glamorous Canadian funky dance pop. With disco strings.
2) The Tough Alliance These two young men are Swedish. Surely that's enough for you? A little bit synth pop, a little bit tribal techno.
3) Feral Children Slightly scary Seattle-based art rock quintet. Sounds like they're about to collapse into a brawling, squiggling freak-out at any moment. In a good way. If they don't turn up on an All Tomorrow's Parties line-up somewhere in the world, I'll be very disappointed.
4) Baddies About 98% of new guitar bands are horribly generic and boring. These young chaps from Southend are in the remaining 2%. Yeah, yeah... they've been listening to the Horrors, Art Brut and possibly Queens of the Stone Age.
5) Zeigeist - I found this Gothenburg electro troupe all on my own, without the help of Paul Lester. Gothenburg electro, you say? Featuring arty live shows? Wait - maybe they're actually The Knife in Rococo disguise. Zeigeist do sound a lot like the Knife, but camper and more ready for the club. A bit like Fischerspooner, in fact. But while Fischerspooner would be throwing shapes in the middle of an empty dance floor, Zeigeist would be sitting in the chill out lounge, discussing Kate Bush album tracks with a handsome stranger. And their press shots. Oh my!

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I Kissed A [Insert Here] - And I Liked It

Homemade YouTube music parodies. What's that all about, eh? You can gaze upon your computer screen and see what others do on Sunday afternoons. Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl has caught the imagination of many a YouTuber, and every transgressive variation is explored through song. Here's one by Venetian Princess, in which she kissed her boyfriend's Granny. And she liked it.

This dude thinks domestic violence is funny. He's wrong, of course. But he kicked a girl. And he liked it.

This one does have sound, I promise, you just have to turn it up. She "f#cked" your mum. And she liked it.

The young lady below isn't doing this for laughs. Oh no. She found Jesus Christ. And she liked it.

This chap kissed his wife. And he liked it. He also noticed the similarities between Katy Perry's original and Gary Glitter.

I can definitely see the young man below petitioning his high school teachers to stage a school production of Grease. He kissed a cat. And he liked it.

What are these people hoping for? Internet fame? To be the next Chris Crocker? Oh well. It's good to have a hobby.

Current obsession - Depeche Mode

Depeche Mode (hereafter referred to as the Mode) are clearly brilliantly amazing. And it seems that I've only just realised this. My bad.
Maybe it's because the Mode are not as popular in the UK as they are in Europe. There are indie clubnights across the UK throwing nights dedicated to bands like the Smiths or Joy Division. But if you want to spend all night bopping to Personal Jesus and Just Can't Get Enough with other Modeheads, you'll have to go to France. Or Russia.
From Marilyn Manson to Nouvelle Vague, The Mode have been well plundered. And 'thanks' to Popjustice, Hilary Duff''s new Personal Jesus-sampling single Reach Out entered my ears. While the original uses Christian imagery to draw parallels between religious ecstasy and sexual ecstasy, Hilary simply implores a sexy man hunk to 'reach out and touch me'. Like, ewww! I know Jamelia did something similar a couple of years ago, but she's exonerated because her version (Beware of the Dog) is better. And everyone involved with Hilary Duff looks like they're phoning in, apart from the stylist.
Let's put all the covers and samples aside, and spend a few minutes remembering how brilliant Depeche Mode are. I'm sure you already know they are, but it's nice to have a reminder. Here's Everything Counts (In Large Amounts), in which the Mode explore consumerist greed.

The rise of the idiots

As you may have noticed, the MTV Europe Music Awards took place in Liverpool last night. And as a citizen of Liverpool I feel that I should comment upon this very important cultural event. Let's just get on with this...

From where I was sitting (in the pub), it looked like a parade of morons with little relevance to Liverpool or music. (A man at the next table sagely announced 'it could be happening anywhere'.) It's like they'd started with the idea of a music award show (once upon a time they were quite exciting), chopped out the interesting bits (like the music) and filled in the gaps with glitter cannons and hair extensions.

Sometimes, it feels like the idiots are winning. The idiots who think wearing a t-shirt with Barack Obama's face on it is a radical politcial statement.

PS. Today, my hairdresser was insistent that Jay-Z and Beyonce went to Sayers 'because they don't have pasties in America'. I wanted to believe her, really I did, but somehow I doubt Jay-Z queued up for a ham and cheese slice.

A Modicum of Comfort

When the Jack White and Alicia Keys Bond theme emerged, I was disappointed to discover that it is called Another Way To Die and Jack White had not tried to wrap his chops around the lyrics 'The Quantum of Solace'. I thought using the film title as the song hook was the rules. Turns out I just wasn't paying attention, and Chris Cornell's theme song for 'Casino Royale' is titled You Know My Name. (But honestly, were you paying attention to that one?)

I was vaguely excited about discovering what the big-voiced, piano-hammering Alicia and that ghostly urchin could come up with. I'd also like more details on the writing process. Did Alicia and Jack sit in a room together, drinking coffee until it was finished? Or did they recorded separate ideas at home and shared them over Google Documents. Because it does sound like a bit of a mish mash.
When I first heard - and I mean properly heard it, not just that Coca-Cola advert - I didn't like it. But in the interests of fairness, I've given it a few more tries. After Jack White has given us the White Stripes and Alicia Keys has given us... a whole load of slow jams, so I can give them a few minutes. Below is a plot of my enjoyment of Another Way To Die:

Here are the salient points:
1) The introduction. It starts off in a mess of brass and guitars. A MESS.
2) There is a brief peak during the first progression of piano chords. Alicia Keys always sounds a bit hothoused when she's behind the keyboard, but this I quite like.
3) The first chorus hits another brief peak, because I think I like it but I'm not sure why. The lyrics sort of sound like they watched a preview tape of the film, and listed what they saw: 'A door left open / a woman walking by / a drop in the water / a look in your eye / a phone on the table / a man on your side'.
4) After a trough, the second chorus kicks in. And it's starting to make sense now. I'm enjoying this. Really, I am.
5) But then there's some more messy horns, forcing in the Bond theme. And trying to evoke a Martini-sipping sophistication.
6) This call and response bit between the guitar and Alicia going 'bleeeurrrgh' is good.
7) Third chorus. I really, really do like this. Honest.
8) It sort of dies a way in another mess of brass. Not even redeemed by Alicia singing 'shoot 'em up, bang bang'. END.

Conclusion: It's not GoldenEye, but at least it's not Die Another Day. But what does it matter, anyway? It's just trying to convince you that James Bond films are VERY IMPORTANT EVENTS and that you should get down to the cinema.

Liverpool Music Week

Yes, this week (30 October to 6 November) Liverpool is officially a musical city - as it is Liverpool Music Week. This week of gigs has passed me by somewhat because a) I've been in that there London, and b) US Presidential election fever, but last night I headed up to Bumper for a Johnny Foreigner gig. Unfortunately, I didn't make it as far as Dananananaykroyd because my boyfriend was feeling woozy (well, he had bravely donated a pint of his blood to the NHS a few hours earlier). And I was impatient to spend the night with David Dimbleby, watching Jeremy Vine struggle with touch-screen maps of US states.
But I did see a musical treat from Hackney Carriages, a young man with a guitar, Macbook and a knowledge of Conor Oberst's back catalogue. He was officially not bad. Liverpool music scene veterans the Down and Outs also appeared. Er, 2001 was on the phone and it wants its pop-punk guitar sound back.
There you go. Liverpool Music Week. It will end in a blaze of glory tomorrow night at the MTV Europe Music Awards. And when I say 'blaze of glory', I mean a lot of whooping, glitter and Katy Perry struggling with an autocue. When did MTV last have any relevance to music? Public tickets start at £65, if you're interested, but there is a 'restricted view'.
A whole load of free gigs sounds like a brilliant idea in theory, but it's usually difficult to find the diamonds in the mire of not-very-good unsigned bands. Maybe I'm just annoyed because Liverpool Music Week have the cheek to tell me what to wear.
PS Go Obama!

Take It To The Chorus is back

I went away to London, worked like a little worker bee with no internet access, and now I'm back. Here are some photos:

Take It To The Chorus is away

Attention puhleez! I am currently in London, and unable to blog due to lack of internet access. But I am thinking of you. I promise. xx

The Ting Tings tackle America

Leona Lewis is not the only pop star to be affected by a Hollywoodisation... now it's happening to the Ting Tings. Let's take a look at their latest video, Be The One. Remember when they used to be raw and made videos that were perfect for MTV2 and YouTube? Not any more. They're reaching out to the glossy, American market.
We open with Katie, Ting Tings singer and indie pin-up, waking up on a hospital bed. But Katie has no concern for her mysterious health problem, and pulls an Uma Thurman. It's like Kill Bill.Meanwhile, Johnny Weirdo-Eyes is playing a gig in a toilet venue to a disinterested audience of two. I know he's not really called Johnny Weirdo-Eyes, but do you have any other explanation for why he's always wearing sunglasses?But this cannot be! The Ting Tings must be reunited. And so Katie sneaks from the hospital in search of her chum. She's apparently unconcerned about going incognito, because she's wearing a very nice bright red coat. Also, she's apparently unconcerned that two men are following her with a large projector screen.Johnny Weirdo-Eyes leaves his own gig with two ladies in tow. But he doesn't care about these two lovelies in fishnets, he's searching for Katie.And while Katie is searching for Johnny, she is accosted by a beefcake. You don't get men like that around Salford Mill.Finally, out duo are reunited. In another scene reminiscent of Kill Bill, they drive away together. Indie music is saved!Except they're not really driving, it's just those men with the projector screen again.
I like the Ting Tings, really I do. But I want them to look like they shop in Afflecks. I don't want Katie's face to become suspiciously glossy, like a foundation advert. I don't want them to have a bland American make-over. Just look at what happened to Kath and Kim.

Current obsession: Lady GaGa

I've tried keeping this to myself, but I really have to tell you that I think Lady GaGa is rather good. I've been reluctant to share on this one because she has enough self-created blog buzz. And she made a guest appearance on 'The Hills', which makes me go 'ewwww!'.

But Let's Dance is a brilliant pop song. There's something that elevates her above the usual pop moppet (poppet?). She's Williamsburg without being a Williamsjerk. She's an Italian-American girl, and is therefore the new Madonna. Plus she looks like an escapee from a Stanley Kubrick film.

Leona Lewis: twice the woman you'll ever be

Leona Lewis is no longer the shy Pizza Hut waitress who won X-Factor. She's only released two singles and one album, but she's now a global mega-star. She's not just the new Mariah Carey, she's surpassed Mariah Carey and become an even more massive superstar. Let's take a look at the video for her latest single, Forgive Me, to prove this. But is it really Leona, or her glossier, more saccharine Hollywood twin?


Following the success of Bleeding Love and debut album Spirit, Leona's fame inspires break-outs of mass, Kids from Fame-style street choreography. In case you're thinking 'but Leona's a singer, not a dancer', don't worry. It's cut very fast so you can fool yourself into believing that she can groove with the rest of the troupe.


But she's not just another cute girl in a pink t-shirt. She's a glamorous cabaret star in a miniature top hat and black sequined dress, caressing a hot pink sofa.


Her powers do not stop at street dancing. Leona's superstardom also intoxicates a small mob of anonymous men in creepy white masks.


Yes, those masked men are good for Hallowe'en. But what Leona really needs are some smart men to help her out in unexpected downpours.


The local cinema has devoted its advertising hoardings to Leona's new single, because it is a very important cultural event.


You'd think the street dancing, sinister cabaret and shiny mackintosh would be enough for one woman. But Leona is no ordinary woman. She's also commands an ethereal Merry-Go-Round for ballerinas.


Finally, Leona gets time to relax and send a text on her really expensive phone. You just know she's texting her hot ticket of a boyfriend.

I like short shorts

One of the most common search terms used to arrive at this blog is 'shiny shorts' because of something I wrote here. Well, if that's what you want, that's what you shall have:



By 2009, every music video will have to include some American Apparel clothing. Dov Charney will be checking up on it.

Slow Club are a very good band

Last night I saw Slow Club thumping and chanting in Liverpool Barfly. And they were rather wonderful.

They were supported by a rosy-faced cherub by the name of Thomas Speight, and also a charming young lady in skinny purple jeans. I think she was called Roxanne.

I've seen Slow Club a few times before, but last night they were extra special. For two people, they can make a lot of noise. They feature a quirky assortment of percussion, including the chair at left (legs sawn off for easier transportation). They can sing beautiful harmonies. They can even go off mic and keep all eyes on them. They're also from Sheffield. Go Sheffo!

My boyfriend declared that, as is, they are too quirky for mainstream success. But if they were 17 years old, instead of hawking their own CDs from a cardboard box at the end of the night they'd be up there with Laura Marling by now. Although I'm sad to admit it, he's probably right.

Solange + Boards of Canada = ??

Yesterday, I mentioned This Bird by Solange and that it is rather good. It's based around Slow This Bird Down by Scottish Warpheads Boards of Canada: it's not exactly a sample, more like Solange singing over the entire song.
There's probably a lot of BoC fans excreting their bile about YouTube comment boxes. How dare an R&B piece of fluff warble all over Boards of Canda?! Well, she does dare, and it's good. And if you don't like it, just ignore it because it's a downtempo album closer. Somehow, I doubt Jo Whiley will be giving it heavy rotation, and the Sandison brothers probably received a nice payday for it.
Maybe I like it because the original is really, really good. Solange's vocals are a poignant meditation on escaping a disappointing relationship ("The music I play must be loud as can be / so I don't have to hear myself think"). There's something about the two parts that doesn't quite fit: fledgling R&B divas and downtempo IDM don't usually belong together. But I like that jarring... it's a song that draws attention to itself by recontextualising both. It's Solange's John Cage moment (or maybe she's saving that for the next album).
Also, during the ebb towards the end, Solange coos 'the song's not over yet...' She totally gets the joke.
Something tells me Solange doesn't give a piffle what you or I think. She wears tinfoil dresses. Because we're not talking about any old Solange here, we're talking Solange-younger-sister-of-Beyonce. Beyonce Knowles, y'all!

Top 10 songs of the week

I should have told you this on Sunday, in the tradition of charts, but I'm a busy woman. Oh well. Let's go!

10. Mr Pharmacist by The Fall
Dave Simpson's new book The Fallen is out now. I might buy it when it's out in paperback, because I'm cheap like that. (It's £18.99 in hardback. That's a lot of pounds to read about The Fall.)
9. Look Back Jacques by The Arch Nazards
The Arch Nazards is my chum Adrian Flanagan, who was briefly a member of The Fall.
8. Up by The Saturdays
There's something I don't like about this whole Saturdays thing, but I haven't decided what the thing is yet. I'll get back to you.
7. Too Fake by Hockey
I'm not just saying this is good because Paul Lester put them on his New Band of the Day blog, ok? It's as if The Rapture and LCD Soundsystem moved to Oregon.
6. My Delirium by Ladyhawke
She is very good, you know.
5. The Promise by Girls Aloud
I'm coming around to the idea.
4. This Bird by Solange
The album's been out for a while, but I forgot about it. This is the album closer, in which Solange-younger-sister-of-Beyonce warbles over a Boards of Canada track.
3. Halfway Home by TV On The Radio
TVOTR (see, I'm a fan) are one of my favourite bands. And now they've got a new album. And they're touring. It's almost too exciting for me, so I've had to ration out listens to this in case I start running around like a hyperactive child.
2. Black by thecocknbullkid
A new song from the Londoner, and she's turning into a proper popstar. This one has bass and a Gameboy-core ending.
1. Embrace by PNAU
My friend spent an evening in the pub telling me how amazing this track is, and getting me to repeat the spelling (p, n, a, u!) so I'd remember to listen at home. Well, I did, and he was right. They're from Sydney, and the vocals are by the lovely Ladyhawke. In celebration of their achievement at hitting number 1 in my arbitrary chart, here's a picture:


Photo by Cybele Malinowski.

One man bands and vodka

On Saturday night I went to a gig at Mello Mello, an artsy cafe run by volunteers just off Liverpool's main drinking strip. It's a lovely little place, with pictures all over the walls and a fine selection of teapots:

Because it's a cafe, it was a BYOB night. So I arrived with ginger ale and vodka, and think I've only just woken up (it's now Monday lunchtime). The main event was Bob Log III, supported by my friend Thomas Truax. There were two other supports, but I was too rude to write their names down and the answers won't provide the answers, so I may never know the name of the young man reading poetry. Sorry! It was the Imperial vodka ('specially selected by Spar').
Thomas Truax charmed the audience with his inventions and crazy antics. Because I've been friends with him for a while, I'm not sure I can evaluate his performance. Let's just say that he doesn't so much break through the fourth wall, as smash it to pieces. And he sings about orphanages, dogs howling at the moon and long train journeys. The audience were grinning their chops off, including the passers-by with their faces pressed to the window outside.
Last week's Guardian Guide unfairly described Bob Log III as 'occasionally entertaining'. Well, Guardian Guide, I was very entertained. Unfortunately, I couldn't really see what was happening because the stage was comparable to a cardboard box. I guess some people would view it as sad that Bob Log III was hotly-tipped in 2001 alongside The Strokes and White Stripes. And while Jack White has a supermodel wife and new Bond theme, Bob Log III is still leaping around in a jump suit and crash helmet for the pleasure of drunken fools (like me). Well, you know which sounds like more fun to me? The latter. Less money, but more integrity.

Girls Aloud vs Sugababes

Top of the pops UK girlbands Girls Aloud and Sugababes both have new singles "out there" (The Promise and The Girls respectively), and it seems appropriate to place them side by side and decide which would be victorious were they to fight. Both bands are vying to be the biggest pop girlband in the land, both are lead singles from new albums and and both have parping brass riffs, which were invented by Mark Ronson in 2007. Fact.
There's a lot of people with a lot of things to say about The Promise, so I don't feel I need to add to it. I agree with No Good Advice's appraisal that The Promise is 'blissful, swooning and warm', but overall it doesn't excite me. It's good, but come on, it's not the best pop song ever.
There's also a lot of people with a lot of things to say about The Girls. All I can say is that it makes me barf in my mouth a little bit. Yes, Sugababes have had some amazing tunes over the years, but I can't get around the problem that they look like the sort of girls who would elbow you out of the way in the nightclub toilets, just to get a better look at themselves in the mirror. Sugababes are riding the bandwagon of popularity by reworking a song that has been used by Boots in their TV advertising. And I despise those Boots adverts, because of the lumbering idea beneath that by buying a cheap bit of make-up will transform you into a desirable glamazon. I don't even need to look at the Sugababes' video to know that it features some lipstick lesbian girl-on-girl grinding. Go on, you watch it and tell me I'm wrong.
Who are the winners? Girls Aloud or Sugababes? You know the answer...


PS I'm still learning how to use Photoshop (or should that be 'how to Photoshop'?), so it's rudimentary. But we've all got to start somewhere, and in my case it was with the polygonal lasso. I'm also not sure what I'm trying to tell you, visually. Girls Aloud = Roy Lichtenstein?

Are The Beatles over-rated?

The new HMV in Liverpool One don't think so.

PS The photo doesn't quite convey how big it is. Well, let me tell you that it is big. It's the Rhodes Colossus of Liverpool. Stand beneath it and you'll be forced to contemplate your own insignificance.

The art vs sport dichotomy

My trip to the Manchester Velodrome as an Olympics glory hound started me thinking about art vs sport. You can dabble in both, but there's only enough hours in the day to excel at one. Obviously, I chose to leap to the arty side of the fence.
At a gig, theatre or gallery I'm comfortable because I know the social conventions, but I spent my hour in the Velodrome feeling a bit embarrassed in case I committed a faux pas. Also, getting dressed in the changing rooms made me feel like I was back at school.
Once I'd got my head around not having brakes and being strapped onto the bike, it was good fun. Sadly, I won't be the next Victoria Pendleton but I managed to get off the Cote d'Azure and above the black line. Although it was a beginner's session, there were some very serious people decked out in Lycra, and a constant whiff of latent aggression. That must be what sport does to you. It was good fun, but I'll stick to art.

Lover, come back to me

My goodness, what a busy week, including a trip to Notting Hill and a wobbly cycle around the Manchester Velodrome. On Friday night, my friend Matt offered up his plus one to watch Julian Cope at the Carling Academy. There was apparently a loose theme to do with Eric's (a long-lost venue of Liverpool legend) to promote a new show at Liverpool Everyman. I was tired, but the lure of a plus one is too great, so I scraped on a layer of mascara and threw on my favourite dress.
The Academy is always dimly lit (they've standardised everything else in all of their venues, is the lighting policy the same?), so I could get away with hiding in a corner like a ghost. A ghost drinking Carling, obviously. Doors opened at 7.30pm and we arrived at 9pm, assuming we'd already missed Pete Burns in the support slot. But, as you can see from the crappy snap at left, we had not.
Pete Burns didn't make it onto the stage until 10pm. A lot of people in the room looked like they were paying babysitters by the hour, and they were getting restless. It was the first time I've been to a gig where the crowd are booing before the band has made it on stage. But this was no mere band. It was glamourpuss Pete Burns. Celebrity Big Brother AND Celebrity Wife Swap alumni Pete Burns. He's not a man who'd be happy with a Subway foot long and bowl of chips before going on stage at 8pm. Oh no. Pete Burns is an exquisite creature who requires fine dining and a chaise longue before performing. Some people might think that three songs is not enough for a set, but when you're Pete Burns and people have paid £20, it's plenty. They should count themselves lucky to be basking in your presence for a mere £20. He introduced 'You Spin Me Round' as 'the song that took me out of Liverpool... thank god'. Yes, that's the attitude Pete! You tell the people of Liverpool that their city is shite, as if it's still the Eighties. He also told the chosen few witnessing his performance that he was 'just going through the motions', and in a glisten of black sequins was gone.
The really frustrating thing? He can sing! He has a certain stage presence! If he weren't such a whinging diva he could have had a proper music career!
Julian Cope soon appeared, topless, wielding an acoustic guitar. The Copeheads in the room seemed very happy to see him, but to me he looked like a man at an open mic night about to launch into a rant against chip and pin or unfair bank charges. I decided to head homewards after a few songs. Sorry, Julian. (Not that he cares.)

And the beat goes on

This weekend feels like the first in ages that I've spent in Liverpool. So I decided to re-discover the city I live in, instead of rushing around the country. On Saturday I went to see The Beat Goes On, an exhibition about Liverpool's music scene, at the World Museum. It's the whole world... in a museum! Nearly. There's a planetarium, aquarium, bug house and bee hive.
The exhibition focused on Liverpool music since the 1950s, through Merseybeat and super-clubs, right up to Hot Club de Paris. It was a sensory overload of memorabilia, buttons to press, pictures and a pretend stage to play inflatable guitars on. Also, being one of those cool, new wave museums, a lot of the bits and bobs on display were personal artifacts... nightclub fliers from the Cream glory days, a spangly outfit worn by a drag queen to G-Bar, a tin robot used on the cover of 'Tin Planet' by Space.
Here are the photographs I took before security asked me to stop:


Half an hour well spent. Obviously, some of it felt a bit self-interested ('Liverpool is amazing! We made The Beatles! We invented music! Did we mention, we're also European Capital of Culture 2008?'). But it was interesting. Looking at the past made me feel more than ever that Liverpool doesn't have a particularly strong music or club scene at the moment. There are some good venues, good bands and good promoters doing good things, but definitely not on the same scale as cities like Leeds or Glasgow.

Enablers at Korova

On Friday night, I watched Enablers at Korova, a post-rock band from San Francisco.
Brighton trio Euchrid Eucrow were supporting. Although it's exciting to see a band comprised of guitar, accordion and viola, they were pretty poor. I thought they were like Magnetic Fields without the knowing humour or intelligence, while my boyfriend condemned them as a rubbish Silver Mt Zion. Harsh words. But it was too, too intense and morbid for a Friday night.
Enablers were much better, and I was surprised by how many fans were rocking out. I don't have much to say, because I was a little tipsy on Fosters (it's only £1.95 a pint). I had a bad head on Saturday, which serves me right.
There was a lot of plaid and check in the room. Plaid and check are the official clothing of post-rock and drone. My friend Matt wore a nice check shirt:


While I went for a plaid skirt and brown cardigan combo. I'm so indie.

Arachnophilia

Remember when I mentioned that building on the Dead 60s album cover? From today, it is now the building with the massive mechanical spider:


The big beastie has been attached to the Concourse Building as part of La Machine, a near-indescrible piece of street theatre happening throughout Liverpool city centre this weekend. Her name is La Princess. The details are cryptic, but it will literally stop the traffic. Roundabouts and street lighting have been removed in preparation, and there's a big spider web over Exchange Flags. What's going to happen? I don't know, but it involves a 'magical snowscape' and I'M SO EXCITED.
However, not everyone agrees. When I was taking the above photograph, a man starting telling me "it's all a bloody waste of tax-payer's money".

Out in the streets

I know I did a post about video yesterday, but I'm doing another one today. From Action Biker's MySpace I stumbled onto a lovely Swedish music blog called PSL. The best bit is a section called Video-arkiv: Musik med ("Video archive: music with". Look at me, reading Swedish with Google Translate).
It's all very lo-fi or no-fi, as most of the performances are acoustic and filmed on the streets and hotel rooms of Stockholm (go, STHLM). I find this a lot more appealing than the fast-cutting, whistles and bells approach of music shows like Transmission or Sound. And there's no grinning Shoreditch-ite telling me why it's cool. I'm such a grump.
There's loads of videos to dip into, and among the Swedish artists there are some familiar friends like Kate Nash, Laura Marling and Slow Club. So far, my favourite is Lykke Li singing Little Bit, because it starts with an old man shouting from his flat, threatening to call the police. At the end, he's been charmed by Lykke and her toy piano, and throws a flower onto the street. I also like The Dodos playing next to a Gothenburg tramline, and CocoRosie over-dressed backstage at Debaser.

Down with the kids

The last time I saw a bit of children's TV, it looked fairly crap. What happened to engaging, well-written programs like My Parents Are Aliens or The Demon Headmaster? And the music? Carrie and David's Popshop doesn't quite cut it. Sesame Street has always included musical skits and guest stars, and more recently Yo! Gabba Gabba has joined in. These shows are both American, and I don't even know whether they're shown in the UK. Are these bands doing it for the kids or the parents? Both, hopefully. Here's a few of my favourites...


Feist re-works 1-2-3-4 to include 'chickens come back from the shore'.


REM play down the fact that Shiny Happy People is about Prozac by re-writing it as 'Furry Happy Monsters'. Mike Mills looks like he's about to explode with glee. And that Muppet looks a lot like Kate Pierson. Maybe she's the REAL Kate Pierson.


This is obviously the best thing James Blunt has ever done.


The Shins forcing grins on Yo! Gabba Gabba. And what is the orange circle covering on the drummer's hat?


The Shiny Toy Guns on Yo! Gabba Gabba. But it's a children's show, so they're named 'The Shinies'.

There's more out there on YouTube, including Chris Brown, Norah Jones, Destiny's Child and Alicia Keys. But they all involve Elmo, and I can't stand that furry simpleton. Children deserve good TV that makes them excited about the world. And who, in 10 or 15 years time, would want to reminisce about the cheap, humourless cartoons filling up children's TV? Give them more of the above. Cut Copy dressed as pirates, playing all of 'In Ghost Colours' live. That sort of thing.

Tunes of the week

Another week, another opportunity for me to compile a top ten list. Here are songs that I've been in playing during the past week:

10 Overdosin' by Heidi Montag
This is absolute crap. I've never even watched 'The Hills'! Honest. I don't even know what it's doing here. Probably because laughing at it makes me feel better about myself.
9 Toy Boy (Extra Muscle Mix) by Sinitta
It's actually by Stock, Aitken and Waterman, and this remix does have some extra muscle (well, extra bass). The sleeve promises 'Today's sound. Tomorrow's technology'. Surely the other way round would be better?
8 Feel The Love by Cut Copy
Unofficially, I've decided this is my favourite song of 2008. Other songs will emerge, but it will take a lot to displace this from the top of my chart. I suppose I should put it at number one every week, but that would get a bit boring.
7 My DNA by Manda Rin
New single from the ex-Bis lovely, but not that much of a new direction. I was a bit disappointed to see on her MySpace that she considers her influences to be New Young Pony Club, Blood Red Shoes and Late of the Pier. Surely it should be the other way around?
6 Breaking It Up by Lykke Li
Still releasing singles from 'Youth Novels'. And they're still wonderful.
5 Gamma Ray by Beck
When I listened to 'Modern Guilt' I was relieved to discover that Beck's still got it. What it is, I'm not sure, but I doubt he knows either.
4 Do The Strand by Roxy Music
The best Roxy Music song. Apart from Virginia Plain. Maybe.
3 Mercury by Bloc Party
Bloc Party managed to take me by surprise with their digital-only rush release of 'Intimacy'. Me and Bloc Party have not always been compatible (it's some of the lyrics look like bad poetry to me). But I was obviously wrong, and now we're going to be best friends. Mercury is amazing. Really and truly.
2 Dusk Til Dawn by Ladyhawke
Wonderful pop. If you're not paying attention, she does sound a little bit like Mira/Helen from Ladytron. Plus there's a Casio VL-Tone squealing in the background, and Casio VL-Tones are ALWAYS a good thing.
1 Jump in the Pool by Friendly Fires
Eeep! Can't wait for the album, or the tour. It's a bit like Cut Copy, a bit like Klaxons. For so long I wanted MORE COWBELL. And here it is. Well done, St Albans' finest. (Apart from Stephen Hawking, Francis Bacon and Michael Morpugo.)
Well, this post looks a bit boring without a picture. So here's one of Friendly Fires larking about:

Peter and the Wolf (and double bass)

Last night I went to Korova for some gigging action. Strawhouses and The Laze were on first, but I missed them because I was drinking Jack Daniel's and coke. If you can't do that on a Saturday night, when can you do it?
Seal Cub Clubbing Club (SCCC) are local heroes, and not bad at all. They are halfway between a watered-down Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and a watered-down Mars Volta, from the Wirral. They're also proof that all the good band names have been taken. The album is out NOW, apparently.
The crowd thinned for Peter and the Wolf, which always seems to happen when the headliners play after the local heroes. There's something charming about them, and any band who goes to the trouble of bringing a double bass deserve more than a few moments of my time. They just need more hooks. I saw them in July at the Everyword Festival, and I completely forgot to tell you about it. But that's ok, I can tell you now. It was a Nabokov Present: Tense event, which involved the band spending a week writing a few songs on knife crime (the chosen topic), then performing them at the Everyman Theatre. There was also some short plays and a video. They just plugged in, played, went away. It didn't involve excessive soundchecks or endless fiddling with FX pedals. All unsigned showcase gigs should be like this. Be honest, most bands don't even have three good songs. Why drag it out longer than necessary?
I forgot to take my camera (to Korova or the Everyman). So no pictures of the light fixtures or floor tiles :(

Recording shopping in Liverpool

Saturday shopping has never been a hobby of mine, but I spent some time browsing record shops this morning. Liverpool city centre is fairly hectic most days, but Saturdays are packed out with teenage girls struggling with Primark bags.
My boyfriend and I went to Zavvi, where I snapped this picture of the dance section:

It's like an eerie vision of the future, where everything has been packaged into separate compartments (Ibiza chillout, summer dance, funky house etc), but everyone is impossibly attractive because they're made out of plastic. And the content is all the same. Zavvi is not my kind of shop, but the boyfriend did find re-pressings of The Cars' Greatest Hits and The Art of Noise, for £2 each. Although we're usually eco-conscious to the point of being eco-bores, he asked for a plastic bag (well, we need something to put the rubbish in). It was hilariously large, and pictured here with the Norton Complete Shakespeare for scale:

And that Norton Shakespeare is BIG. We also browsed Probe Records, but left empty handed. In Hairy Records I picked out Roxy Music's Music For Your Pleasure, and the boyfriend selected a Stock, Aitken and Waterman compilation called The Hit Factory (of course). When I was sticking it onto the turntable at home, two press releases fell out:

The text is the same, but one is double spaced. Are they the former property of a SAW completist who bought them? Or was it a promo copy? They're dated 14 October 1987, but the record was released 12 October 1987. Nice to know that Stylus Music had the marketing campaign was well planned. As press releases go, it's a good one as it's full of facts. And there's no purple prose, unless you count the badly punned title of "Stylus score spectacular coup with SAW collection". The 12" had a dealer price of £4.17, and RRP of £5.99, while the CD dealer price was £8.34, RRP £11.99. The TV advertising campaign had a £500,000 budget, and there's even a Telex number at the bottom. The past really is a foreign country. I don't really to keep them, but don't want to chuck them in the recycling (yawn, eco-bore). If you want me to post you these pieces of SAW history (you know you do), email me at takeittothechorus@gmail.com.