Thanks for the bottle of Tia Maria, Alexander Rybak.
Showing posts with label eurovision. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eurovision. Show all posts
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Monday, 27 April 2009
My vision's gone on Euro
It's the time of year when the bluebells are blooming, the lambs are frollicking and my thoughts are turning to Eurovision. I like it, OK? I just really, really like it. Not even ironically. Also, Moscow 2009 will have revised voting rules (a mixture of viewer votes and "professional juries"), which could potentially even out some of the block voting.
So far, I'm not impressed with the BBC's coverage, which has been a mixture of Graham Norton derision and Andrew Lloyd Webber schmaltz. Jade Ewen, the UK entry, does have a brilliant voice and looks good in a floor-length frock, but it all looks like an advert for Sir Andrew's West End franchises. However, the BBC's Eurovision website does have videos of all the contestants. I've given some of them a listen, and will detail the most... interesting below. Unfortunately there's not enough time in my day to listen to them all. Have you seen how many countries fall within the Eurovision Song Contest boundaries? Loads, that's how many. And not all of them will make the final.
Country Czech Republic
Song and artist 'Aven Romale' [Come On Gypsies] by Gipsy.cz
Concept Superhero hip hop gypsy punks with a glimmer of Queen.
Douze points? A less sophisticated version of Gogol Bordello, so probably not. It's ironic too, so I doubt it will make the final. Casual observers think the competition is full of these novelty entries, but Eurovision isn't too kind on songs that laugh at themselves (please see Spain's 2008 entry, 'Baila el Chiki-chiki' by Rodolfo Chikilicuatre). Because, by extension, they might be laughing at the entire song contest. And if that happens we might as well just forget the whole thing and sit at home, crying over a Celine Dion DVD.
Country Norway
Song and artist 'Fairytale' by Alexander Rybak (pictured at top)
Concept Chirpy lament for a former sweetheart based around traditional Norwegian fiddles, performed by a child prodigy. Alexander claims to be 22, but looks at least 12. His opening lyric is 'years ago, when I was younger'. He must be referring to when he was a foetus.
Douze points? Yes. At first I wasn't sure, mainly because Alexander looks like a more impish Richard Fleeschman. After two more listens, I like it because it's so proud to be Norwegian. Who wants a musically homogenised Europe? Not I. On my third listen I was starting to convince myself it's the best Eurovision song I've ever heard, and that Alexander Rybak - with his cheeky good looks and folk fiddling - is the new Patrick Wolf. After briefly cross-referencing with 'The Magic Position', I am obviously wrong. Yet if 'Fairytale' wasn't structured so rigidly and dismissed the cheesy backing singers, it could be sort of Patrick Wolf-esque, don't you think? If you close your eyes. And squint a bit.
Country Greece
Song and artist 'This Is Our Night' by Sakis Rouvas
Concept Uplifting Euro-dance fronted by a smouldering Adonis. With a massive, truck-driver key change at the end. It just makes me want to wave my arms aloft in admiration of Greece. I like Eurovision entries that aren't embarrassed to declare their intention to win (especially Lithuania's audacious 2006 entry). When Sakis promises 'this is our night / fly to the top, baby / yes we can do it / just wait and see' he doesn't just mean you and me. He means the entire nation of Greece.
Douze points? Why not? It's triumphant, euphoric and reminds me of Sash! circa 1997. And this Sakis fellow looks like a nice chap. His English-language Wikipedia entry is full of salacious rumours, but I don't believe any of it.
Country Ireland
Song and artist 'Et Cetera' by Sinead Mulvery & Black Daisy
Concept Girlie power punk pop without the attitude, wit and balls of Helen Love or Period Pains. It's got guitars on. Strumming power chords. Which, ever since Bill and Ted, has been the official sound of teenage rebellion. If you're wondering why Sinead gets top billing, I think it's because she once played Cinderella in a Dublin pantomime.
Douze points? Non! Nul points! It's a very lame approximation of rock and roll, styled by Tammy Girl. Ladies, put the guitars down and unclip the pink hair extensions.
Elsewhere, Lithuania are sending Justin Timberfake, while Denmark are making do with Fake Ronan Keating. Bosnia & Herzegovina have good betting odds, but I found their entry too boring to get through the second chorus. Also, memo to Belgium: who do you think you are? Jimmy Ray?
And now you know everything you need to know about the Eurovision Song Contest 2009.
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
The road to Eurovision
An unashamed Eurovision fan I may be, but my enthusiasm for ESC 2009 has so far been limited. From the bits and bobs I watched of the BBC's voting show, Your Country Needs You, the choice was Jade Ewen or gubbins. Jade can certainly sing, in that Sylvia Young Theatre School way. She once had a bit-part in Casualty once, which is like taking a GCSE in acting.
However, Andrew Lloyd Webber's song sounds like a leftover from a West End show that closed early. It's all vaguely uplifting, and has more syrup than Tate and Lyle. Sample lyric: 'it's my time, my moment, I'm not gonna let go of it'. Excuse me, but I thought this was about the United Kingdom and not one stage school graduate in a sparkly dress. Here are some people who could have written a better song:
1) Morrissey. It's been a few years since Mozzer said he would but then didn't. My fingers remain crossed that he'll change his mind.
2) Jarvis Cocker. Jarv said he'd write a song if asked. I say he should have written a speculative song then we could have voted for it against Sir Andrew's offering.
3) Morrissey AND Jarvis Cocker. How potentially amazing? Very potentially amazing, indeed.
4) Kid Carpet. The Bristol pop-twiddler declared that winning Eurovision was his ultimate ambition, and if that's not throwing your hat into the metaphorical ring then I don't know what is. Some of the songs on his recent album Casio Royale are rather good, you know. Especially Hitting The Wall.
5) Little Boots. I know you agree.
6) Me. I'm sure I could throw something together. It would probably involve a Casio VL-Tone, kazoo and lots of cowbell.
Monday, 26 May 2008
Bleurovision
The best song won, right? If you like power ballads so mawkish they are slapping you into submission.
I stopped clutching my betting slip early on, because my chosen punts on Ukraine and Armenia obviously wouldn't be paying out. But Eurovision's not all about spending money in William Hill, and I'm sort of happy for Russia (but would have been happier for Ukraine). I once spent 30 days in Russia, so I feel some sort of deep connection to the country. Not that it cares about me.
The performance was, of course, ridiculously overblown. Dima sexing it up in white shirt and trousers was not enough for Russia. Oh no. He also needed Olympic figure skating champion Evgeni Plushenko and Hungarian violinist Edvin Marton. Playing a Stradivarius. The performance felt like it was shouting 'this clenched fist - it's emotion! This miniature ice rink - it's passion!' and so on. Perhaps such obvious signifiers are necessary when English is a second language for the majority of the ESC community?
Why did Russia win? Maybe, after 53 years of Eurovision, it was their turn. Maybe all those former Soviet states didn't want to enrage Gazprom, as Terry Wogan suggested. Maybe the power of Dima's non-threatening sex appeal is too irresistible for Europe.
Oh well. Here's to Moscow 2009.
I stopped clutching my betting slip early on, because my chosen punts on Ukraine and Armenia obviously wouldn't be paying out. But Eurovision's not all about spending money in William Hill, and I'm sort of happy for Russia (but would have been happier for Ukraine). I once spent 30 days in Russia, so I feel some sort of deep connection to the country. Not that it cares about me.
The performance was, of course, ridiculously overblown. Dima sexing it up in white shirt and trousers was not enough for Russia. Oh no. He also needed Olympic figure skating champion Evgeni Plushenko and Hungarian violinist Edvin Marton. Playing a Stradivarius. The performance felt like it was shouting 'this clenched fist - it's emotion! This miniature ice rink - it's passion!' and so on. Perhaps such obvious signifiers are necessary when English is a second language for the majority of the ESC community?
Why did Russia win? Maybe, after 53 years of Eurovision, it was their turn. Maybe all those former Soviet states didn't want to enrage Gazprom, as Terry Wogan suggested. Maybe the power of Dima's non-threatening sex appeal is too irresistible for Europe.
Oh well. Here's to Moscow 2009.
Sunday, 20 April 2008
Pre-Eurovision jitters
Every year, I foolishly allow myself to get excited about Eurovision. I always hope it will be a wondrous evening of Europe uniting through song. Look at the logo: there's a heart in the middle. It's like we're all coming together to hold hands, sing the New Seekers and dance barefoot.
ESC 2008 (as we fans call it) has become such a Wagnerian affair that the 43 participants have been split into two semi-finals. Five automatically qualify for the final (last year's winners Serbia, and the Big financial Four - France, Germany, Spain and the UK), leaving the remainder to compete for a slot on the Big Night. Although ESC has a liberal attitude to political boundaries and allows participation from countries including Tunisia and Egypt, there are some notable absences from the large line-up. Surely Italy could have called in Carla Bruni-Sarkozy for some sexpot acoustic strumming? San Marino and Andorra get a look in, but where are the Vatican?
The majority of entries are either forgettable ballads fronted by Disney princesses, or forgettable Euro dance-pop. Life is too short to listen to all 43 entries, but after a quick squint at YouTube I have decided that the following raise themselves above the mediocrity:
France: Divine by Sebastian Tellier
OMG! This is an actual proper pop song! Sebastien has released 3 albums of lo-fi electronic loveliness, toured with Air and featured on the Lost in Translation soundtrack. France sensibly chose Divine without a public primetime TV contest, which is why they're represented by a cheeky slice of Gallic electro-pop. It manages to be kitsch without being all 'postmodern' (eg a bit sneering), and is produced by half of Daft Punk. There was some kerfuffle over the English lyrics, but Sebastian will be Frenching it up for the final. So we can all breathe a Francophile sigh of relief over that.
Ireland: Irlande Douze Pointe by Dustin The Turkey
Oh, now this is just inexcusably bad and offensive. Puppet turkey Dustin is a 'big star' in his native Ireland, but in England he's less famous than his former colleagues, Zig and Zag. Yes, Zig and bloody Zag. Dustin shouts poorly scanned gibberish over a ludicrous dance beat about 'Eastern Europe we love you, do you like Irish stew? Or goulash as it is to you?' Some morons probably think this is satire. It's not. It's is taking novelty too far and it's actually mocking Eurovision by waving a poor quality puppet in its face while blowing a raspberry. Ireland: you should be ashamed. Dustin & Co: go and stand outside in the corridor.
Russia: Believe by Dima Bilan
Heart-throb balladeer Dima is wildly popular in Russia, and represented his country in ESC 2006. Dima is hungry for an international career, and has paid up the dollars for pop maestro Timbaland to produce this. And it sounds like it come from Ryan Tedder's wastebasket. Oddly, Greece's Kalomoira Saranti manages to sound more like Timbaland than Timbaland. Her Secret Combination is a clunky reworking of Timbaland's uber-hit, Give It To Me and features a heavy-handed metaphor for virginity.
Ukraine: Shady Lady by Ani Lorak
Many of the Euro dance entries sound like DJ Sash never went out of fashion, and this is my favourite. It's about 70% chorus, 20% aggressively commercial house production and 10% sequins. The big, big chorus and clubland strings pummel you into submission and although it's cheesy, isn't this an accurate representation of Ukrainian pop music? People can snigger that this sounds like 1993, but Ukraine is still in transition from the Soviet Union to independence. Ukrainians probably want their pop to be big, uncomplicated and pounding. And this is as pounding as they come.
Belgium: O Julissi by Isthar
This is a folk ditty in a made-up language. It's a bit naff, but somehow adorable. And amongst all the heavily produced entries, it seems revolutionary to have a few people singing over some instruments. And there's a flute solo, which Eurovision has been missing for some time.
Bulgaria - DJ Take Me Away by Deep Zone & Balthazar
A throbbing mix of turntablism, breakdancing and rave synths, this three-minute marvel is interesting because somebody forgot to write a song. An enchanting damsel in a nightie sings a two-line vocal hook, and little more. Yes, they're entering the Eurovision Song Contest - without a song.
ESC 2008 (as we fans call it) has become such a Wagnerian affair that the 43 participants have been split into two semi-finals. Five automatically qualify for the final (last year's winners Serbia, and the Big financial Four - France, Germany, Spain and the UK), leaving the remainder to compete for a slot on the Big Night. Although ESC has a liberal attitude to political boundaries and allows participation from countries including Tunisia and Egypt, there are some notable absences from the large line-up. Surely Italy could have called in Carla Bruni-Sarkozy for some sexpot acoustic strumming? San Marino and Andorra get a look in, but where are the Vatican?
The majority of entries are either forgettable ballads fronted by Disney princesses, or forgettable Euro dance-pop. Life is too short to listen to all 43 entries, but after a quick squint at YouTube I have decided that the following raise themselves above the mediocrity:
France: Divine by Sebastian Tellier
OMG! This is an actual proper pop song! Sebastien has released 3 albums of lo-fi electronic loveliness, toured with Air and featured on the Lost in Translation soundtrack. France sensibly chose Divine without a public primetime TV contest, which is why they're represented by a cheeky slice of Gallic electro-pop. It manages to be kitsch without being all 'postmodern' (eg a bit sneering), and is produced by half of Daft Punk. There was some kerfuffle over the English lyrics, but Sebastian will be Frenching it up for the final. So we can all breathe a Francophile sigh of relief over that.
Ireland: Irlande Douze Pointe by Dustin The Turkey
Oh, now this is just inexcusably bad and offensive. Puppet turkey Dustin is a 'big star' in his native Ireland, but in England he's less famous than his former colleagues, Zig and Zag. Yes, Zig and bloody Zag. Dustin shouts poorly scanned gibberish over a ludicrous dance beat about 'Eastern Europe we love you, do you like Irish stew? Or goulash as it is to you?' Some morons probably think this is satire. It's not. It's is taking novelty too far and it's actually mocking Eurovision by waving a poor quality puppet in its face while blowing a raspberry. Ireland: you should be ashamed. Dustin & Co: go and stand outside in the corridor.
Russia: Believe by Dima Bilan
Heart-throb balladeer Dima is wildly popular in Russia, and represented his country in ESC 2006. Dima is hungry for an international career, and has paid up the dollars for pop maestro Timbaland to produce this. And it sounds like it come from Ryan Tedder's wastebasket. Oddly, Greece's Kalomoira Saranti manages to sound more like Timbaland than Timbaland. Her Secret Combination is a clunky reworking of Timbaland's uber-hit, Give It To Me and features a heavy-handed metaphor for virginity.
Ukraine: Shady Lady by Ani Lorak
Many of the Euro dance entries sound like DJ Sash never went out of fashion, and this is my favourite. It's about 70% chorus, 20% aggressively commercial house production and 10% sequins. The big, big chorus and clubland strings pummel you into submission and although it's cheesy, isn't this an accurate representation of Ukrainian pop music? People can snigger that this sounds like 1993, but Ukraine is still in transition from the Soviet Union to independence. Ukrainians probably want their pop to be big, uncomplicated and pounding. And this is as pounding as they come.
Belgium: O Julissi by Isthar
This is a folk ditty in a made-up language. It's a bit naff, but somehow adorable. And amongst all the heavily produced entries, it seems revolutionary to have a few people singing over some instruments. And there's a flute solo, which Eurovision has been missing for some time.
Bulgaria - DJ Take Me Away by Deep Zone & Balthazar
A throbbing mix of turntablism, breakdancing and rave synths, this three-minute marvel is interesting because somebody forgot to write a song. An enchanting damsel in a nightie sings a two-line vocal hook, and little more. Yes, they're entering the Eurovision Song Contest - without a song.
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