Florence and the Machine pie charted

Florence and the Machine. Some people adore her, some people do not. The Critics do, as she picked up the Critics' Choice Award at the Brits. I'm a bit hazy about what this award is exactly, and the placing of the apostrophe completely changes it. And what if they are not music critics, but actually a consortium of food critics, wine critics or theatre critics?
Personally, I don't particularly like Florence and the Music. Her warbling is just not for me. I have created a pie chart to help you understand why I have reached this decision. It's all in pastel colours to ease you towards the weekend.

PS I hope it's big enough. Blogger manages my content very well, but it's not good at image hosting. When Blogger and I first got together it was so exciting, but over time I fear we've grown apart. At the moment we get along ok. We have our ups and downs. But I fear that one day I might lose my temper and run away to Wordpress.

BBC Sound of 2009

Last week, the BBC music website announced their top 10 acts for the UK in 2009. It's a good barometer of which new bands/artists will be big in the coming year, and who has good PR agents. Or the most friends on MySpace. If you're the sort of person who scours the internet for new bands, it all feels a bit redundant. But there are primitive people who only use the internet for Facebook, Bebo and the Radio 1 homepage.
I know that last week is about a million years ago in blogging terms, but why don't we all slow down? I needed some time to think it over. And now I have done, you can read what I think. Oh, lucky you!

1) Little Boots
Who on earth?
Leeds University graduate and Blackpool lass Victoria Hesketh, plus producer Joe Goddard (him from Hot Chip. No, not the singer, the other one).
The buzzwords
Cyber disco diva; pop sensibility; Tenori-on.
The buzzwords decoded
Similar production to Giorgio Moroder and a fearsome vocal; knows how to write a pop song; expensive Yamaha drum synths.
Likelihood of making it
Duh, she's already made it. She's finishing the album in LA which sell, sell, sell. And she is quite clearly an amazing pop star for our times.
Take It To The Chorus sez... yes please. I love Little Boots, and in doing so feel less guilty for describing Dead Disco as 'try-hard Long Blonde wannabes' who were 'forcing the sexy'.

2) White Lies
Who on earth?
Three young men from West London. They're probably wearing leather jackets right now. Or black shirts with skinny red ties.
The buzzwords
Brooding introspection; epic proportions; big indie hope.
The buzzwords decoded
Ian Curtis obsession; liberal use of reverb; suitable for early in the night at indie discos.
Likelihood of making it
Very high. If we understand 'making it' to mean a UK tour of medium-sized venues and one album.
Take It To The Chorus sez... too easily confused with Editors/the Bravery/Interpol.

3) Florence & the Machine
Who on earth?
Big voiced kooky lady from London. The Machine is metaphysical.
The buzzwords
A passionate force of nature; a kooky creative; beautiful.
The buzzwords decoded
She dances on stage, probably while barefoot; writes own songs, some of which are quite good; phwoar, wonder if she has a boyfriend?
Likelihood of making it Good, but I can't help feeling that Florence's fortunes are linked to fashion. So we'll wait and see what Topshop are stocking in the summer.
Take It To The Chorus sez... I don't want to be rude, but... this just doesn't do it for me. And it's at least 18 months since I first peeked at her MySpace, so I feel she's had her chance.

4) Empire of the Sun
Who on earth?
That fella from The Sleepy Jackson, and that other fella from Pnau. So the most hipster band in Australia.
The buzzwords
Search for inner enlightenment; softcore spaced-out beats; uplifting and colourful performances.
The buzzwords decoded
Had an idea in the pub but didn't think it through properly; not as good as Pnau or The Sleepy Jackson; once attended a Flaming Lips gig.
Likelihood of making it
Limited. They're just too wacky for the mainstream. And the album cover for 'Walking On A Dream' is really bad. Really, really bad. It looks like a Star Wars tribute album recorded on Moogs. Except George Lucas refused permission so they've changed all the melodies a little.
Take It To The Chorus sez... thanks, but I'm quite happy with MGMT.

5) La Roux
Who on earth?
Flame-haired singer Elly Jackson and producer Ben Langmaid. He's friends with Rollo from Faithless, don't you know.
The buzzwords
Crazy hair; eighties revival; 21st Century synth pop auteur.
The buzzwords decoded
Normal hair with some mousse; listened to all the Heaven 17 albums; owns a Micro Korg.
Likelihood of making it
Reasonably assured. In the video for Quicksand, La Roux is looking tres chic in a Henry Holland floral suit. Keep up - fashion designer Henry Holland. He's friends with supermodel Agyness Deyn, don't you know. Something tells me such stylings are a guarantee of some success. But it's also my problem... it all looks a bit too London-centric. Once you're north of the Watford Gap it starts to look a bit style-over-substance. Here in Liverpool, La Roux would make sense in Korova on a Friday night. But there are a lot of other nights (and days) in the week.
Take It To The Chorus sez... opinion to be confirmed.

Elsewhere, Passion Pit were in at number nine. Which sounds about right. They're definitely my favourite new discovery of 2008 and band I can't wait to hear more of/see live in 2009, but they're not for everyone. They're cerebral, see. You just don't get it.

Florence and the Fuhrer

I had another inspection of the Liverpool Sound City guide, and discovered the most inappropriate sentence under the blurb for London folky-dolky Florence & The Machine:
'She also has almost as much stage presence as Hitler'.
Honestly. Who thought that was an acceptable use of language? And one mention of Adolf apparently wasn't enough, as it continues:
'She's like a funny, sexy popstar Hitler without the despotism and with more beautiful songs and the utmost love and respect for Jews and gays and gypsies.'
There are some words I don't think belong as adjectives in music writing (such as anorexic or schizophrenic), but using such a feared dictator in a simile is just wrong. Mitigating it with the 'respect for Jews and gays and gypsies' does not make this even slightly OK. It's not even constructed elegantly: there are five uses of 'and'.
I hope it's a fan-written ode copy-and-pasted from her MySpace blog. It must be, right?