We open with Katie, Ting Tings singer and indie pin-up, waking up on a hospital bed. But Katie has no concern for her mysterious health problem, and pulls an Uma Thurman. It's like Kill Bill.
Meanwhile, Johnny Weirdo-Eyes is playing a gig in a toilet venue to a disinterested audience of two. I know he's not really called Johnny Weirdo-Eyes, but do you have any other explanation for why he's always wearing sunglasses?
But this cannot be! The Ting Tings must be reunited. And so Katie sneaks from the hospital in search of her chum. She's apparently unconcerned about going incognito, because she's wearing a very nice bright red coat. Also, she's apparently unconcerned that two men are following her with a large projector screen.
Johnny Weirdo-Eyes leaves his own gig with two ladies in tow. But he doesn't care about these two lovelies in fishnets, he's searching for Katie.
And while Katie is searching for Johnny, she is accosted by a beefcake. You don't get men like that around Salford Mill.
Finally, out duo are reunited. In another scene reminiscent of Kill Bill, they drive away together. Indie music is saved!
Except they're not really driving, it's just those men with the projector screen again.
I like the Ting Tings, really I do. But I want them to look like they shop in Afflecks. I don't want Katie's face to become suspiciously glossy, like a foundation advert. I don't want them to have a bland American make-over. Just look at what happened to Kath and Kim.
