I'm gonna take you out tonight

The video for Little Boots' first-single-proper - New In Town - is here. Not just on the tellybox but also on the internets. Can Little Boots transform all the buzz into unit shifting?
Let's take a look at the video and find out.
We open with Little Boots herself, staring dolefully at the rain-splattered LA streets that pass by her car window. It's a lonely life being a touring artist. But at least she's wearing a spectacular necklace and dress (made by Ashish, if you must know).

Meanwhile, a group of ne'er-do-wells are scrabbling around to survive. They're probably under a railway bridge. In a dubious area called 'downtown'. This chap has a sign that reads 'Need food - spent all my money on judo lessons'.
Being new in town, Little Boots accidentally wanders in and finds herself surrounded by shopping trolleys.

Wait a second - they're not ne'er-do-wells. They're trained dancers!

For the second verse and chorus, she accidentally wanders into a backstreet dance battle. Like I told you, she's new in town. But it's all rather jolly.

For the middle eight, she accidentally wanders into a local dogging spot. Because she is, after all, new in town.

We end with Little Boots staring dolefully out of the car window, as at the start. Meaning that she dreamed the entire thing.

And there you have it. A quite good video. The song itself doesn't really do it for me yet, but I'll give it some more time. It sounds like the Human League, and I love the Human League. So some more time. I don't want to be one of those people who huffs and puffs that "the earlier stuff is better".
But at least I'm not this YouTube commentor:

"i really liked her better with dark brown hair and when she was with dead disco"

Just let it go. Dead Disco were not bad, but the rest of us have moved on.

New shocking Oasis video not very shocking

Oasis have got a new single coming out, called Falling Down. This comes as a surprise to me, as surely it is the 17th single from their 52nd album. Or something. I can't keep up with Oasis, who last said something relevant around 1997 but have managed to plod along using the Beatles as source material.
You might think that Falling Down is full of mixed metaphors and confusing imagery, like 'catch the wheel that breaks the butterfly'. But that's actually a reference to Alexander Pope's poem An Epistle to Arbuthnot. See? The lyrics aren't taken from fridge poetry. It's clever. It's metaphysical.
The video is apparently very controversial. Our protagonist is a beautiful young lady, who awakes amidst the wreckage of a heavy night out. She really looks a lot like Candie Payne, or Penelope Cruz's paler sister. But she's not.
As she leaves the den of iniquity where she's spent the night with several young men and women, she's looking rather dressed up. Trench coats, headscarves and Audrey Hepburn shades are not the look usually favoured by people who live in maisonettes. Especially ones with decorative butterflies on the brickwork.
Hold on, our protagonist is actually a posh young royal who's been taking the whole 'common touch' thing a bit too literally. Blimey. Dressed like Princess Diana, tiara and all, she goes out to shake hands with a few normaloids at a charity event.
All goes well until our young royal encounters the Brothers Gallagher, who disdainfully refuse to shake her hand. Below I've managed to capture to exact moment that Noel really sticks it to the establishment by saying 'nah'. It could be 'blah'. Maybe he's coughing. It's hard to tell.

Liam looks especially unimpressed, and pulls his best 'are you looking at my bird?' face.
Finally, the pay off. She steps out onto the balcony of Buckingham Palace and - bam - there's Prince Charles. So she's not supposed to remind us of Princess Diana, she is Princess Diana.

So there you have it. Ageing rock stars known for their working class roots are actually a little bit anti-royalist. Shocking and controversial stuff, I'm sure you'll agree. That is, shocking if you read the Daily Express. Or it's 1998.

If I Had A Heart

Fever Ray is the new musical project of Karin from the Knife. She has a startling new single out, called If I Had A Heart. It's a nastier cousin of Portishead's Machine Gun, except instead of being led by beats it's led by an oscillating hum. It is not a song you would want to be alone with on a dark night. Very few pieces of music manage to sound unsettling, but If I Had A Heart is one of them. I like it - very much so.
But what's the video all about? I wish I could tell you. We'll need to take a closer look. Again, it's genuinely disquieting. I'm warning you. I can't be there to hold your hand, so if you might be creeped out you'll have to look away.

We open with some urchins in a canoe, drifting on a misty lake. Don't worry, they are being supervised by an adult at the back. However, they don't look too cheerful. I suspect there will not be a happily ever after ending.

On the shore are some peoploids in masks that resemble owls. With an alsatian. They're searching for something. Ominously.

Suddenly, we see a country house. It appears there has been a mass suicide in the drained swimming pool. I told you this wasn't pleasant, so don't start complaining.

Inside, the decor is opulent but there are more bodies. They're just sleeping, right?

Ah, there's Karin. Well, I'm assuming it's Karin. It's her music video, after all. Is she responsible for the horrors we have seen so far? Possibly. She looks rather demonic, and is clasping a white rodent to her chest. It could be a ferret, a rabbit or a guinea pig. It might not be a rodent at all, but a white dove. Actually, it could be a white tea towel for all I can see.

Now the masked peoploids are in the house. On closer inspection, they look more like fish. Whatever they are, I do not like them.

We end with the canoe disappearing over the horizon of a bleak sea. Now I feel very insignificant and powerless, as if I too am adrift on an uncaring ocean. Wait - is that the whole point of the video? It's all quite upsetting because it makes me think about the futility of it all, and wonder whether masked strangers are peeping at me from the bushes. Even the idea of the hook ('if I had a heart I could love you') is horrible... the idea of being simultaneously alive and not alive, and entirely emotionally detached. I'm scared. Could you hold my hand, please?
It was directed by a chap called Andreas Nilsson. Just look at how many cool videos he has made. I wish he was my friend.

The Ting Tings tackle America

Leona Lewis is not the only pop star to be affected by a Hollywoodisation... now it's happening to the Ting Tings. Let's take a look at their latest video, Be The One. Remember when they used to be raw and made videos that were perfect for MTV2 and YouTube? Not any more. They're reaching out to the glossy, American market.
We open with Katie, Ting Tings singer and indie pin-up, waking up on a hospital bed. But Katie has no concern for her mysterious health problem, and pulls an Uma Thurman. It's like Kill Bill.Meanwhile, Johnny Weirdo-Eyes is playing a gig in a toilet venue to a disinterested audience of two. I know he's not really called Johnny Weirdo-Eyes, but do you have any other explanation for why he's always wearing sunglasses?But this cannot be! The Ting Tings must be reunited. And so Katie sneaks from the hospital in search of her chum. She's apparently unconcerned about going incognito, because she's wearing a very nice bright red coat. Also, she's apparently unconcerned that two men are following her with a large projector screen.Johnny Weirdo-Eyes leaves his own gig with two ladies in tow. But he doesn't care about these two lovelies in fishnets, he's searching for Katie.And while Katie is searching for Johnny, she is accosted by a beefcake. You don't get men like that around Salford Mill.Finally, out duo are reunited. In another scene reminiscent of Kill Bill, they drive away together. Indie music is saved!Except they're not really driving, it's just those men with the projector screen again.
I like the Ting Tings, really I do. But I want them to look like they shop in Afflecks. I don't want Katie's face to become suspiciously glossy, like a foundation advert. I don't want them to have a bland American make-over. Just look at what happened to Kath and Kim.

Leona Lewis: twice the woman you'll ever be

Leona Lewis is no longer the shy Pizza Hut waitress who won X-Factor. She's only released two singles and one album, but she's now a global mega-star. She's not just the new Mariah Carey, she's surpassed Mariah Carey and become an even more massive superstar. Let's take a look at the video for her latest single, Forgive Me, to prove this. But is it really Leona, or her glossier, more saccharine Hollywood twin?


Following the success of Bleeding Love and debut album Spirit, Leona's fame inspires break-outs of mass, Kids from Fame-style street choreography. In case you're thinking 'but Leona's a singer, not a dancer', don't worry. It's cut very fast so you can fool yourself into believing that she can groove with the rest of the troupe.


But she's not just another cute girl in a pink t-shirt. She's a glamorous cabaret star in a miniature top hat and black sequined dress, caressing a hot pink sofa.


Her powers do not stop at street dancing. Leona's superstardom also intoxicates a small mob of anonymous men in creepy white masks.


Yes, those masked men are good for Hallowe'en. But what Leona really needs are some smart men to help her out in unexpected downpours.


The local cinema has devoted its advertising hoardings to Leona's new single, because it is a very important cultural event.


You'd think the street dancing, sinister cabaret and shiny mackintosh would be enough for one woman. But Leona is no ordinary woman. She's also commands an ethereal Merry-Go-Round for ballerinas.


Finally, Leona gets time to relax and send a text on her really expensive phone. You just know she's texting her hot ticket of a boyfriend.

Out in the streets

I know I did a post about video yesterday, but I'm doing another one today. From Action Biker's MySpace I stumbled onto a lovely Swedish music blog called PSL. The best bit is a section called Video-arkiv: Musik med ("Video archive: music with". Look at me, reading Swedish with Google Translate).
It's all very lo-fi or no-fi, as most of the performances are acoustic and filmed on the streets and hotel rooms of Stockholm (go, STHLM). I find this a lot more appealing than the fast-cutting, whistles and bells approach of music shows like Transmission or Sound. And there's no grinning Shoreditch-ite telling me why it's cool. I'm such a grump.
There's loads of videos to dip into, and among the Swedish artists there are some familiar friends like Kate Nash, Laura Marling and Slow Club. So far, my favourite is Lykke Li singing Little Bit, because it starts with an old man shouting from his flat, threatening to call the police. At the end, he's been charmed by Lykke and her toy piano, and throws a flower onto the street. I also like The Dodos playing next to a Gothenburg tramline, and CocoRosie over-dressed backstage at Debaser.

Down with the kids

The last time I saw a bit of children's TV, it looked fairly crap. What happened to engaging, well-written programs like My Parents Are Aliens or The Demon Headmaster? And the music? Carrie and David's Popshop doesn't quite cut it. Sesame Street has always included musical skits and guest stars, and more recently Yo! Gabba Gabba has joined in. These shows are both American, and I don't even know whether they're shown in the UK. Are these bands doing it for the kids or the parents? Both, hopefully. Here's a few of my favourites...


Feist re-works 1-2-3-4 to include 'chickens come back from the shore'.


REM play down the fact that Shiny Happy People is about Prozac by re-writing it as 'Furry Happy Monsters'. Mike Mills looks like he's about to explode with glee. And that Muppet looks a lot like Kate Pierson. Maybe she's the REAL Kate Pierson.


This is obviously the best thing James Blunt has ever done.


The Shins forcing grins on Yo! Gabba Gabba. And what is the orange circle covering on the drummer's hat?


The Shiny Toy Guns on Yo! Gabba Gabba. But it's a children's show, so they're named 'The Shinies'.

There's more out there on YouTube, including Chris Brown, Norah Jones, Destiny's Child and Alicia Keys. But they all involve Elmo, and I can't stand that furry simpleton. Children deserve good TV that makes them excited about the world. And who, in 10 or 15 years time, would want to reminisce about the cheap, humourless cartoons filling up children's TV? Give them more of the above. Cut Copy dressed as pirates, playing all of 'In Ghost Colours' live. That sort of thing.

Trendspotting: shiny short shorts

I've noticed a trend in the music videos of 2008. Teeny-weeny shiny, shiny shorts and bikini tops! Is this thanks to American Apparel? It's a budget-conscious way for stylists to inject some so-called glamour.
In the video for Because The Night, Cascada catches the attention of a buff rocker (I know he's a rocker because of his leather jacket, and his friend is holding some drumsticks). Obviously, her shiny bikini top and pants plus black corset combo helped.

Cheryl Tweedycole favours the shiny boob tube in Will.I.Am's Heartbreaker. The hoodie makes it really urban, no?

The lame (as in la-may, I can't figure out how to add accents in HTML) invasion continues in Blackout Crew's Put A Donk On It, a choon so terrible it makes me whimper a little. The dancers are the physical manifestation of 'techno'.

According to Vogue, three is enough for a trend. But I'm even more thorough than Vogue, so here is Camille, pretending to hula hoop in the video for Money Note. She's gone for the shiny shorts over black leggings, which I would call a 'just in case' look.
There's more lame (LA-MAY!) out in pop world, I just know it. I think I've spied more in videos I didn't care to remember, such as Mariah Carey. It all looks so sexy and glamorous up on screen. But it's that American Apparel vision of sexy, which doesn't actually exist. One spin through the washing machine and that stuff is ruined. I love how it's described as 'swimwear' on their website, with the caution that 'exposure to salt water and chlorine not recommended'.

Back to the future

The Mystery Jets made a minor indentation on the top 40 with Two Doors Down the other week, which has now disappeared down the charts. I've never given the Mystery Jets more than a brief listen because I assumed they were a nice enough band for skinny, white teenage boys. They seem to do well on the underage circuit, along with the Holloways, Patrick Wolf, Laura Marling and similar whippersnappers.
But there's something quite endearing about Two Doors Down, which was produced by Erol Alkan. Were it not so endearing, I would have dismissed it as as a post-punk/Cure/Duran Duran rip-off. Which it is, yet it's also cute. And just in case you don't get the 80s references, the video rams it in your face. Let's take a look:
Pink leopard print background

Pastel suits like those seen on Simon le Bon, circa the ENTIRE EIGHTIES

A powerful moment highlighted with a clenched fist

A cardboard cut-out living room

An elaborate saxophone solo

A worn out copy of Marquee Moon

Access all areas

On TV you can watch brilliant things like bands and musicians performing. And you can watch bands being interviewed: not so brilliant, because bands don't always say interesting things. But all of this is apparently no longer enough, thanks to The Nokia Green Room.
In 4 Music's version of Top of the Pops, bands are forced to perform off as well as on stage. Tonight, I watched the repeat on The Hits because there's no reception for Channel 4 in my flat. I know! Weird. Anyway, Scooter, Gabriella Cilmi (is a popstar who requires a pronunciation guide really a good idea?), Young Knives and Feeder gathered in a gadget-filled backstage area which resembled a Big Brother house more than any green room I've ever seen. They had some awkward conversation (prompted by a file of questions), like the beginnings of a house party where nobody knows anybody else.
They periodically disappeared to perform. But you can't just relax and enjoy the music, as it cuts to backstage footage of the holding pen where the other bands mumble things like 'yeah, they're really good...' As if you need confirmation from a pop star that the music you're watching is cool. Pop stars who are forced into japing around like performing chimps.
Is this all because music itself has no inherent value, and needs to be dressed up like a reality TV show in order to commodify it and therefore sell more mobile phones?

Stuck on my ella-ella-elevator

Let's take a closer look at Timbaland in the video for Flo Rida's Elevator:

Isn't that the face of the class clown trying to hide his insecurities? I think so.

Krazee-Eyez Killa

I love Timbaland. He's given the world so much pop perfection (Nelly Furtado's Loose and Justin Timberlake's Future Sex/Love Sounds). But all his gurning is descending into self-parody. The evidence is Flo Rida's Elevator, co-written and co-produced by Timbaland. But that's not enough for our Timbo. Oh no. He has to pop up in the video and contort his face. Start screen grabbing!

In conclusion: Elevator is an OK song, based on an odd penis-as-elevator metaphor (because, er, they both go up). Timbaland needs to chill out with a smoothie. He's produced about 552 albums this year (so far). You can't do everything, Timbaland! Take a break, or you'll find your agreeing to produce an album for the first Big Brother reject, so deluded by your own hype that you actually believe your knob-twiddling and vocal percussion can make a global superstar out of an aspiring glamour model from Wakefield.

(Weird formatting, I know, but I don't have time for too much image fiddling).