A cold and broken Hallelujah

Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah is to be the X Factor winner's song, ergo the UK Christmas number one. Actually, it's not so much Leonard Cohen's version, but more like Jason Castro's version of Rufus Wainwright's version of Jeff Buckley's version. You probably know all this already, and you've probably made up your mind. But here I am adding to the blogosphere chatter with my opinion on this crucial matter.

And my opinion is: MEH. Hallelujah is not just an amazing song, it's one of the best songs ever. So it's a canny choice for an X Factor winner's song, and I'm sure a lot of people will listen to the result and feel very affected by the song's beauty. But exactly what I find beautiful in the song will presumably be vomitted all over with vocal histrionics and ruined like so many other songs (see also: Yesterday, Over The Rainbow, Unchained Melody). Louis Walsh is probably insisting that a trucker driver's gear change be added to the final chorus.
To me, the choice suggests that Simon Cowell employs minions to trawl karaoke nights and YouTube to find out what songs the public are into. Except he probably doesn't use the word 'public', but 'proles'. It also suggests that Diana will probably be the winner. Not just because she hacked through the song at the X Factor boot camp/auditions but because the song wouldn't really suit any other contestants. Unless JLS have choreographed some smooth moves to it. I know what your (end) game is, Cowell!

Also, I fear we're a bit closer to the day when new songs stop being written and we just keep trawling through an ever decreasing canon of songs, until eventually we're only capable of humming the melody of Greensleeves. It could happen, people. Stay vigilant.

Chairlift live in Liverpool

Last night, I battled through the freezing temperatures to watch Chairlift at The Magnet. IMPORTANT: they were used on a iPod Nano advert, don't you know.
The Magnet is one of my favourite Liverpool venues, because it's cosy and is just about the only nice late bar in the city. The Magnet is proud of its history (back when it was the Sink Club), as it was the city's first and only black music venue. My picture at left is of the ladies' toilets. Notice the proximity of Barack Obama to the condom machine. Progress! There's also wheat pasted posters reading 'POWER AND EQUALITY'. Surely that should be John Power and equality?
Electric Church Foundation played first. I think they were students. Not that I'm a student-hater, but you know. Student bands always seem to get support slots then bring loads of friends - who disappear before the main act. Rude! Especially when the main act have been used on an iPod advert. Anyway. Electric Church Foundation sounded like a tussle between Beth Orton and a Red Hot Chili Peppers tribute act. They have an EP out on iTunes, so good for them.

Second support slot were Picture Book. They played behind draped gauze, which had visual projected onto it. This means they're either a) ugly, or b) very serious indeed. It was probably the latter. Although the music was ace-tastic (similar to Gus Gus or Roisin Murphy), it was starting to feel a bit alienating and boring. So I took a photo of my new flowery skirt, at right. Doesn't it look like an old curtain?
Chairlift were not bad. They started out with what felt like about half an hour of swirling Velvet Underground-esque atmospherics. But once they started playing some songs it was much better. The biggest round of applause was for Bruises, of course, because it was used on that iPod Nano advert. Most bands will announce 'this is our last song'. But Chairlift were a bit sneaky, and announced 'that was our last song'. I liked that. It brought an element of surprise to the evening. WELL DONE.

Alternative X Factor theme weeks

Simon Cowell needs to stop relying on schmaltzy, mawkish tricks and start putting some fun into X Factor. It's about time 'creative director' Brian Friedman actually did something creative.
Here are my suggestions for some X Factor theme weeks:

1) Skiffle week. The contestants tackle songs by the Quarrymen and the Vipers, accompanied only by washboards and a double bass constructed from a cardboard box with elastic bands. Mark Kermode makes a guest appearance.
2) Serge Gainsbourg week. Dermot O'Leary cracks an inappropriate incest joke, causing the Daily Mail to spearhead a campaign. 200,000 angry viewers sign on online petition, calling for Dermot's resignation.
3) X Factor/Pop Idol week. A nostalgic look back at past series of TV singing competitions. Songs include Blink by Rosie Ribbons, Come Back by Jessica Garlick and Treat Me Like A Lady by Zoe Birkett.
4) John Lomax week. The contestants peer into the Archive of American Folk Song. Moby records a video message of support.
5) Err, that's it...

Just another brick in the wall

The bricks reading 'Gary Glitter' and 'Jonathan King' have been scrubbed from the Cavern's Wall of Fame, so that everyone in Liverpool can sleep sounder in our beds that Mathew Street is no longer sullied by their names. The Cavern Club took this decision after what the Liverpool Echo describes as a 'storm of protest'. And when they say storm of protest, they mean that West Derby MP Bob Wareing said 'I wouldn't myself have wanted to put his name up.' Them's fighting words.
When I walked past the Wall of Fame earlier, I snapped a picture of the replacement plaque:

So the bricks have gone, but their names remain. This small act poses so many questions that it could be the start of an Arthur Miller play. Tim Jonze eloquently mulls it over on the Guardian music blog, and I agree that we should separate the art from the artist. Otherwise where does it end? Will the government announce a Gary Glitter amnesty, so you can hand in your Gary Glitter records at the local police station and free yourself of their shame?

Top 10 songs of the past week

Should have posted this up yesterday, but I didn't. My bad. Here is my top 10 for the week ending 16 November 2008.

10) Womanizer by Britney Spears

Woma-woma-woma-nizer, y'all!

9) Hot N Cold by Katy Perry

I haven't decided that I suddenly like Katy Perry. But this song is undoubtedly good, and I kept telling myself that 45% was written by Dr Luke, 45% by Max Martin and 10% by Katy Perry. That makes me feel better.

8) Let It Rock by Kevin Rudolf

Move over, Timbaland.

7) Brass In Pocket by The Pretenders

Something made me think about Lost In Translation, which made me think about Scarlett Johansson singing. Which made me shuffle through my record collection for some private time with Chrissie Hynde.

6) Cuffs by Zeigeist

Lovely electro stuff.

5) Pass This On by The Knife

Listening to Ziegeist reminded me how much I love The Knife. Which is A LOT.

4) Zombie by The Cranberries

There's something about the vocal quirks of Diana Vickers on X Factor remind me of Dolores O'Riordan. Except Diana makes more whistles and clicks. Hopefully, Simon Cowell will organise a Star Wars themed week in which she can perform as R2D2. I'm not going to pretend I'm too cool to have seen the X Factor, because any time you catch a glimpse of ITV2 it's being repeated. That, or Katie and Peter: The Next Chapter.

3) Sleepyhead by Passion Pit

I [heart] Passion Pit.

2) Dream On by Christian Falk featuring Robyn

This has been floating around for ages, but it's still wonderful. I just hope Robyn gets into the studio and starts working on a new album pronto.

1) Love Kills (demo) by Little Boots

Him out of Hot Chip + the former singer of Dead Disco + a Micro Korg= wonderful things. Love Kills is a cover of a Giorgio Moroder/Freddie Mercury song, FYI.

5 new bands for the weekend

It's been too long since I caught up with Paul Lester's New Band of the Day. Somewhere, in a darkened room, Paul is sifting through endless MySpace profiles and cursing the day he pitched the idea to the Guardian.
I've also had a poke around the internets, and found some interesting new bands...
1) Fan Death Dangerously glamorous Canadian funky dance pop. With disco strings.
2) The Tough Alliance These two young men are Swedish. Surely that's enough for you? A little bit synth pop, a little bit tribal techno.
3) Feral Children Slightly scary Seattle-based art rock quintet. Sounds like they're about to collapse into a brawling, squiggling freak-out at any moment. In a good way. If they don't turn up on an All Tomorrow's Parties line-up somewhere in the world, I'll be very disappointed.
4) Baddies About 98% of new guitar bands are horribly generic and boring. These young chaps from Southend are in the remaining 2%. Yeah, yeah... they've been listening to the Horrors, Art Brut and possibly Queens of the Stone Age.
5) Zeigeist - I found this Gothenburg electro troupe all on my own, without the help of Paul Lester. Gothenburg electro, you say? Featuring arty live shows? Wait - maybe they're actually The Knife in Rococo disguise. Zeigeist do sound a lot like the Knife, but camper and more ready for the club. A bit like Fischerspooner, in fact. But while Fischerspooner would be throwing shapes in the middle of an empty dance floor, Zeigeist would be sitting in the chill out lounge, discussing Kate Bush album tracks with a handsome stranger. And their press shots. Oh my!

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I Kissed A [Insert Here] - And I Liked It

Homemade YouTube music parodies. What's that all about, eh? You can gaze upon your computer screen and see what others do on Sunday afternoons. Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl has caught the imagination of many a YouTuber, and every transgressive variation is explored through song. Here's one by Venetian Princess, in which she kissed her boyfriend's Granny. And she liked it.

This dude thinks domestic violence is funny. He's wrong, of course. But he kicked a girl. And he liked it.

This one does have sound, I promise, you just have to turn it up. She "f#cked" your mum. And she liked it.

The young lady below isn't doing this for laughs. Oh no. She found Jesus Christ. And she liked it.

This chap kissed his wife. And he liked it. He also noticed the similarities between Katy Perry's original and Gary Glitter.

I can definitely see the young man below petitioning his high school teachers to stage a school production of Grease. He kissed a cat. And he liked it.

What are these people hoping for? Internet fame? To be the next Chris Crocker? Oh well. It's good to have a hobby.

Current obsession - Depeche Mode

Depeche Mode (hereafter referred to as the Mode) are clearly brilliantly amazing. And it seems that I've only just realised this. My bad.
Maybe it's because the Mode are not as popular in the UK as they are in Europe. There are indie clubnights across the UK throwing nights dedicated to bands like the Smiths or Joy Division. But if you want to spend all night bopping to Personal Jesus and Just Can't Get Enough with other Modeheads, you'll have to go to France. Or Russia.
From Marilyn Manson to Nouvelle Vague, The Mode have been well plundered. And 'thanks' to Popjustice, Hilary Duff''s new Personal Jesus-sampling single Reach Out entered my ears. While the original uses Christian imagery to draw parallels between religious ecstasy and sexual ecstasy, Hilary simply implores a sexy man hunk to 'reach out and touch me'. Like, ewww! I know Jamelia did something similar a couple of years ago, but she's exonerated because her version (Beware of the Dog) is better. And everyone involved with Hilary Duff looks like they're phoning in, apart from the stylist.
Let's put all the covers and samples aside, and spend a few minutes remembering how brilliant Depeche Mode are. I'm sure you already know they are, but it's nice to have a reminder. Here's Everything Counts (In Large Amounts), in which the Mode explore consumerist greed.

The rise of the idiots

As you may have noticed, the MTV Europe Music Awards took place in Liverpool last night. And as a citizen of Liverpool I feel that I should comment upon this very important cultural event. Let's just get on with this...

From where I was sitting (in the pub), it looked like a parade of morons with little relevance to Liverpool or music. (A man at the next table sagely announced 'it could be happening anywhere'.) It's like they'd started with the idea of a music award show (once upon a time they were quite exciting), chopped out the interesting bits (like the music) and filled in the gaps with glitter cannons and hair extensions.

Sometimes, it feels like the idiots are winning. The idiots who think wearing a t-shirt with Barack Obama's face on it is a radical politcial statement.

PS. Today, my hairdresser was insistent that Jay-Z and Beyonce went to Sayers 'because they don't have pasties in America'. I wanted to believe her, really I did, but somehow I doubt Jay-Z queued up for a ham and cheese slice.

A Modicum of Comfort

When the Jack White and Alicia Keys Bond theme emerged, I was disappointed to discover that it is called Another Way To Die and Jack White had not tried to wrap his chops around the lyrics 'The Quantum of Solace'. I thought using the film title as the song hook was the rules. Turns out I just wasn't paying attention, and Chris Cornell's theme song for 'Casino Royale' is titled You Know My Name. (But honestly, were you paying attention to that one?)

I was vaguely excited about discovering what the big-voiced, piano-hammering Alicia and that ghostly urchin could come up with. I'd also like more details on the writing process. Did Alicia and Jack sit in a room together, drinking coffee until it was finished? Or did they recorded separate ideas at home and shared them over Google Documents. Because it does sound like a bit of a mish mash.
When I first heard - and I mean properly heard it, not just that Coca-Cola advert - I didn't like it. But in the interests of fairness, I've given it a few more tries. After Jack White has given us the White Stripes and Alicia Keys has given us... a whole load of slow jams, so I can give them a few minutes. Below is a plot of my enjoyment of Another Way To Die:

Here are the salient points:
1) The introduction. It starts off in a mess of brass and guitars. A MESS.
2) There is a brief peak during the first progression of piano chords. Alicia Keys always sounds a bit hothoused when she's behind the keyboard, but this I quite like.
3) The first chorus hits another brief peak, because I think I like it but I'm not sure why. The lyrics sort of sound like they watched a preview tape of the film, and listed what they saw: 'A door left open / a woman walking by / a drop in the water / a look in your eye / a phone on the table / a man on your side'.
4) After a trough, the second chorus kicks in. And it's starting to make sense now. I'm enjoying this. Really, I am.
5) But then there's some more messy horns, forcing in the Bond theme. And trying to evoke a Martini-sipping sophistication.
6) This call and response bit between the guitar and Alicia going 'bleeeurrrgh' is good.
7) Third chorus. I really, really do like this. Honest.
8) It sort of dies a way in another mess of brass. Not even redeemed by Alicia singing 'shoot 'em up, bang bang'. END.

Conclusion: It's not GoldenEye, but at least it's not Die Another Day. But what does it matter, anyway? It's just trying to convince you that James Bond films are VERY IMPORTANT EVENTS and that you should get down to the cinema.

Liverpool Music Week

Yes, this week (30 October to 6 November) Liverpool is officially a musical city - as it is Liverpool Music Week. This week of gigs has passed me by somewhat because a) I've been in that there London, and b) US Presidential election fever, but last night I headed up to Bumper for a Johnny Foreigner gig. Unfortunately, I didn't make it as far as Dananananaykroyd because my boyfriend was feeling woozy (well, he had bravely donated a pint of his blood to the NHS a few hours earlier). And I was impatient to spend the night with David Dimbleby, watching Jeremy Vine struggle with touch-screen maps of US states.
But I did see a musical treat from Hackney Carriages, a young man with a guitar, Macbook and a knowledge of Conor Oberst's back catalogue. He was officially not bad. Liverpool music scene veterans the Down and Outs also appeared. Er, 2001 was on the phone and it wants its pop-punk guitar sound back.
There you go. Liverpool Music Week. It will end in a blaze of glory tomorrow night at the MTV Europe Music Awards. And when I say 'blaze of glory', I mean a lot of whooping, glitter and Katy Perry struggling with an autocue. When did MTV last have any relevance to music? Public tickets start at £65, if you're interested, but there is a 'restricted view'.
A whole load of free gigs sounds like a brilliant idea in theory, but it's usually difficult to find the diamonds in the mire of not-very-good unsigned bands. Maybe I'm just annoyed because Liverpool Music Week have the cheek to tell me what to wear.
PS Go Obama!

Take It To The Chorus is back

I went away to London, worked like a little worker bee with no internet access, and now I'm back. Here are some photos:

Take It To The Chorus is away

Attention puhleez! I am currently in London, and unable to blog due to lack of internet access. But I am thinking of you. I promise. xx

The Ting Tings tackle America

Leona Lewis is not the only pop star to be affected by a Hollywoodisation... now it's happening to the Ting Tings. Let's take a look at their latest video, Be The One. Remember when they used to be raw and made videos that were perfect for MTV2 and YouTube? Not any more. They're reaching out to the glossy, American market.
We open with Katie, Ting Tings singer and indie pin-up, waking up on a hospital bed. But Katie has no concern for her mysterious health problem, and pulls an Uma Thurman. It's like Kill Bill.Meanwhile, Johnny Weirdo-Eyes is playing a gig in a toilet venue to a disinterested audience of two. I know he's not really called Johnny Weirdo-Eyes, but do you have any other explanation for why he's always wearing sunglasses?But this cannot be! The Ting Tings must be reunited. And so Katie sneaks from the hospital in search of her chum. She's apparently unconcerned about going incognito, because she's wearing a very nice bright red coat. Also, she's apparently unconcerned that two men are following her with a large projector screen.Johnny Weirdo-Eyes leaves his own gig with two ladies in tow. But he doesn't care about these two lovelies in fishnets, he's searching for Katie.And while Katie is searching for Johnny, she is accosted by a beefcake. You don't get men like that around Salford Mill.Finally, out duo are reunited. In another scene reminiscent of Kill Bill, they drive away together. Indie music is saved!Except they're not really driving, it's just those men with the projector screen again.
I like the Ting Tings, really I do. But I want them to look like they shop in Afflecks. I don't want Katie's face to become suspiciously glossy, like a foundation advert. I don't want them to have a bland American make-over. Just look at what happened to Kath and Kim.

Current obsession: Lady GaGa

I've tried keeping this to myself, but I really have to tell you that I think Lady GaGa is rather good. I've been reluctant to share on this one because she has enough self-created blog buzz. And she made a guest appearance on 'The Hills', which makes me go 'ewwww!'.

But Let's Dance is a brilliant pop song. There's something that elevates her above the usual pop moppet (poppet?). She's Williamsburg without being a Williamsjerk. She's an Italian-American girl, and is therefore the new Madonna. Plus she looks like an escapee from a Stanley Kubrick film.