Competing on the telly box

The X Factor is not the only music competition taking up space on the telly at the moment. Oh no. Channel 4/4Music have Orange unsignedAct (stupid typography not mine), in which bands from across the UK compete for a warm handshake from Alex James. Or something like that. I haven't properly watched any of it, but I know it features Lauren Laverne wearing nice frocks and Alex Zane does his smug face. Celebrity judges such as Kelly Osbourne add some authority during the audiences. Don't you start laughing. This is Kelly Osbourne. Her qualification is that her dad is Ozzy Osbourne. And her boyfriend is in a band.

A contract with Universal and £60,000 advance is the grand prize. Sadly, a lot of the bands competing probably don't realise that such a record deal is not the key to a long, fulfilling music career. They could just release one single and be shunted aside by mid-January. Do you remember Envy & Other Sins? Exactly. Winners of the show in 2007 (back when the network sponsorship hadn't been sorted and it was plain old mobileAct Unsigned - stupid typography not mine again), they made a nice video and then complained about being exploited to Drowned In Sound.

The series hasn't reached it's big final finale yet, so I've decided to sift through the 10 finalists and make my predictions. Let's just hold hands and we can get through it...

SleeperCell (once again - stupid typography not mine) - I think they're the Disney-approximation-of-emo ones.

Bo Bruce - I think she's the lady one.

Fangs - I think they're the ones who've never watched the Mighty Boosh.

Hip Parade - I think they're the lad rock Glaswegian ones.

Scarlet Harlots - I think they're the synth pop ones.

Luva Anna - I think they're the kooky folky ones.

Pyrelli - I think he's the "hip hop/grime/urban/R&B" one.

Klaus Says Buy The Record - I think he's the acoustic singer-songwriter one.

Tommy Reilly - I think he's the other acoustic singer-songwriter one.

Toby Sebastian - I think he's the other, other acoustic singer-songwriter one.

Well then. Who's For The Win? I know not. Whoever has the most friends and the prettiest face. But I have to pick one... so... Scarlet Harlots. They seem to be the right fit.