New single releases

Every week, a new batch of singles are released which we can all mull over. Below I pass the verdict on three, using biscuit metaphors. I was going to do this yesterday, but didn't have chance.

The song: Cola Coka by Rosie Oddie and the Odd Squad (7 inch)
The verdict: Celebrity ornithologist and ex-Goodie Bill Oddie once made an appearance on Never Mind The Buzzcocks where he was ripped apart by Simon Amstell. The show's editing looks incredibly selective: had the BBC2 panel show attempted a character assassination on Bill? But then someone told me about Rosie Oddie, and I realised that maybe Bill had been attempting to promote his daughter's band but ended up looking like a berk. Anyway, Cola Coka is about London hipster consuming drugs. It's a mess of a song, dressed up in a fake leopard fur jacket trying to skank to The Specials. Probably all right if you believe Camden to be a magical place.
Take It To The Chorus says: It's one of those excessively sugary biscuits from foreign parts dressed up too much, like an Oreo cookie sprinkled with hundreds and thousands.

The song: When You Touch Me by Freemasons
The verdict: I don't usually delve into commercial dance tunes because, mostly, they all seem constructed to shift ringtones and 'too hot for TV' video downloads. And to keep the dancefloors of clubland excited with the promise of sex. Because that's all this is about: sex, sex, sex. Freemasons are such prolific remixers (having waved their magic, hit-making remix wand over Beyonce, Solange, Kelly Rowland etc) they possess a secret formula for saleable pop song. When You Touch Me powers along with a pounding 4/4 beat, monster hooks and an absentee female vocalist (I'm assuming the svelte model in the video couldn't produce such sounds). Even if you brain says no, your body can't resist on a basic, physiological level. The video is based on a scene from Sweet Charity, which is officially the best musical ever.
Take It To The Chorus says: A plain digestive. You know what you're getting, and it's still satisfying.

Other singles potentially clogging up the charts this week include the rather lovely Paris is Burning by Ladyhawke, chipmunk-heavy Stay With Me by Ironik and folky-dolky Caravan Girl by Goldfrapp.